Falling In Empty Love.

Stockholm Syndrome.

2009-09-01T23:12:00.002+08:00

If my wishes could come true, then you would know what are the words I am screaming at you behind my closed lips. If my dreams could come to life, then you would know what are the thoughts running through my head. If my prayers could be answered, then you would know what I mean...

I want to be blind so that I do not have to look at our photos when I burn them. I do not have to look at the places we used to go hand in hand to remind me of you. I want to be deaf so that I do not have to listen to anything you are bout to say to me. I do not have to listen to the songs we used to sing together. I want to be senseless so that I do not have to feel your presence...

It kills me to know that we have come to this. What did I do to deserve this? I gave you my heart and soul in everything that I do. You know this very well. I am the best you have ever owned. Yet, you keep treating me like dirt. I feel like I am your arch nemesis. I cannot believe you that this is the man I used to love. You hurt me so much. Non-stop. You wound me. Then you sew it back. When you see my sore ain't getting any better, you pish your finger right in. That is how it is. It has been so for a very long time. Yet, I put up with it all. I thought you could change...

I thought you could be the one for me. I thought you could be the one to love me. I thought you could be the man in my dreams when I was a little girl. I thought I could start a family with you. I thought you could be man enough to love me till the end of time. I thought that you will change some time sooner or later. I thought you still love me. and I thought wrong...

Do you know just how much I love you? );

You keep taking me for granted. You break my heart day and night with your endless cruelty. You get very abusive to me. You are extremely heartless. I told you time and time again that I will be there to help you but you just cannot seem to understand that I truly love you. I kept giving in to you. I tried my best to overlook your mistakes. I did all I could to reach out to you. But, you promised you would change and yet, you can never do. You have proven me that you are not the man I have loved 2 years ago, my dear );

I have lost the man I loved. I have lost the man who treasured my heart. I have lost the man who would cry just by seeing me cry. I have lost the man who will bleed if you know I have bled. I have lost the man who showed me the meaning of Love. I have lost the man who fought so hard for me. I have lost the man who did all that he could just to make me happy. I have lost the man who once loved me...I have lost you, Ben );

I wonder what would it take for you to genuinely change...

Maybe our separation can help you learn where you have went wrong and be a better man for someone else who can love you. I just do not feel that I can be that one anymore... );

P.S: I WILL DEARLY MISS YOU AND EVERYTHING WE USED TO DO TOGETHER );

We Like You Better When You Are Dead.

2009-08-23T23:33:00.001+08:00

When will it all end?

You are the cruelest woman I have ever met. You tell lies day and night. You believe in them. You make them be a part of you. You are the most disgusting person I have ever come across. You make the world turn their backs against me with your pretense and mask that you put on till it becomes your skin. Your face is black just like your heart. Your heart is make of my misery and ashes of my once-found joy. You are indeed God's damnest creation from Hell. You do not deserve to live on this earth. Your presence lingers death of the roses in my room. Your aura is jet-black, just like your ugly breath that reeks endless withering of essence of Life. Your soul can never be pure for you have sinned more than Lucifer himself. Your curses poisons the air, just like your breath. You are nothing to me. You mean absolutely nothing, you stupid loathesome mother-fucking whore!

I tried my hardest just to please you. I did everything that you have ever wanted. I gave you everything you ever dreamed of. I am better than your other children. You know this very well, yet you take advantage of me...

You kill me day and night with your insanity of not being able to filter right and wrong. You have no self-control of your emotions and simply dump all of them on me. Because I am helpless and defenceless in your eyes. I am nothing to you. I can never understand just what the fuck do you really want from me nor will I ever want to. I am sick and tired of living here. With you...

Just because you lead a screwed up life, does not fucking give you any fucking right to mess mine up..

I will never let you win. 1 year has passed. Soon it will be gone. Just like the past 18 years. I will never let you get the best of me. I will never let you break me. I will never let you watch me bleed. I will never fall. I will never shed a tear for you. I will never care for you anymore. I will never love you anymore. I will cut off all ties with you. Give me 3 more years. Just 3 more mother-fucking years, you wretched woman. Yes, that is the only amount of time I need left now. You will be surprised just how fast time flies. It is just like a blink of an eye. Because that will be the day I will actually give you a taste of hell, you slut. I will never be there on your death bed. Perhaps I will, just to piss on your sickening wrinkled face...

You can never see what beauty there is inside of me. You refuse to. Just like you refuse to see just what a good daughter I am. Just what a talented girl I really am. Just how successful I can be in the future. Just how lovely it is to have me as your daughter. I had never done you wrong despite all the hell you gave me for the past 18 years. I can never forgive you for all that you have done to me. I can never. My heart is too sore to even look at you. I rather die than hearing your loathesome voice. I cannot stand being with you for another second. You belong to where the dirt, faeces, snakes and maggots reside. Your grave...

You are one twisted dick-head woman who ensures that I bleed to sleep as my lullaby. You make sure that everyone hates me here. You make everyone crazy and I end up with the tonnes of scars and bruises on my scrawny little body. Just what did I ever do to make you so mad?

P.S: I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET!!!

There & Back Again.

2009-08-04T14:22:00.002+08:00

It has been a while and it will be a while too...

I do not know how much longer I can take. Walls keep crumbling down. Heart keeps getting broken. World keeps crashing down. Everything is always and forever a mess. Whenever I try to fix something, it gets worst. And when I let things be, it gets worst as well. What is the meaning of this?

I doubt I know what I once knew. I cannot even trust myself. I let myself down each time by bleeding on the floor or crying till blood stains my cheeks. It gets worst day and night. I wanna get out of this place. Fast. I have had enough of everyone's bullshit. I can feel my wings forming. Soon, I can take flight...

P.S: WHEN CAN YOU JUST FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN HELL, BITCH?!!!

Lose It.

2009-07-08T23:00:00.002+08:00

I am losing hope again...

Shaking my head in dismay. So is my heart. Scarred. I wonder what did I do to make them so mad. How do I keep holding on when there is absolutely nothing to hold onto? Nobody to turn to. Nobody to love. Nobody to care. Nobody to bother bout. Nobody. Simply nobody...

My world keeps getting biting cold. And I wonder why again ):

Revenge Is Sweetest When Best Planned.

2009-06-18T14:08:00.002+08:00

I think I know what you are...

You are a thief by night that steals all of my pleasant dreams that I once had bout my childhood. You are a con artist by day that deceit me into thinking that you can actually take wonderful care of me. You are a betrayer that stab me in the back each time I have my back facing you. You are a coward that simply stand aside just to watch me fall. You are a liar that trick me into choosing the wrong paths, only to know later that the way out I once thought was safe will jeopardize me most...

The night may be the darkest that the stars and moon refuse to shine, but I will not fail to see your true colors. The day may be the brightest that the glaring sun can burn my eyes, but I will not fail to know what kind of creature you really are...

P.S: YOU WILL REGRET ONE FINE DAY WHEN I DROWN YOU IN MY PAIN.

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.

2009-06-09T22:16:00.003+08:00

I tug on the strap of my rugged backpack. I steal a glance to the sky. I see a silver lining hidden in the mushroom cloud. I inhale deeply. The night is young but the air smells stale. Twigs crack beneath my sneakers. Leaves ruffle around my ankle as the gentle wind blows in my direction. I trip over the vines of the cemetery. I fall face down to the ground. I cry. But, I wipe my tears away. I brush off the dirt on my skirt. I think bout how you would fuse over this type of little things. I grin. This time, I walk along alone the boulevard of broken dreams...

I cannot reach out to you anymore, can I? );

I carry the weight of the world of my shoulders. I cannot carry on like this. I can barely stand up tall and proud, even with all of these scars on me. I finally realized that I got nobody. No one. Not a single soul will linger for me. But me...

P.S: I AM DYING IN YOUR ARMS. AGAIN );

The Forest Whispers My Name.

2009-06-07T21:46:00.003+08:00

I close my eyes. Tears start to fall. There are so many things to cry about...

The world can be so cruel and cold, especially when I am all alone. It is worst than December winter nights. I stare at the path I have chosen. I used to think that at least there would be moonlight. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The trees surround me, overprotecting me. The night is starless and moonless. As usual. The ground just cannot wait to take me in. What's new?

A voice in my head tells me that I have lost you long ago. You just slip through my fingers like air. I watched you go without even realizing. You took my heart the other time and now, you took the very best of me with you too. I can't believe this is actually happening to me. It seems like I can't reach out to you anymore. Where have we gone wrong again? What have I done now? What's the matter again? Why won't you near me like before? Why can't you be gentle like the wind on my skin now? Why won't you listen to me like you used to? Why must there be so much uncertainties? Why must such insecurities and misery even exist in the first place?

I can't find a place in this world. Family is like vultures, attempting to prey on me with each move I make. Stab behind my back like I killed Halloween. Tear my heart out like a pack of wolves. Rip my skin like there is no more dinner tonight. Crush my hopes and dreams like they crush my skull in their endless beatings. Yet, I expected to be strong...

I am expected to do a lot of things that is simply impossible and unrationale for a sane human to do. I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to make the right choices. I am supposed to give in. I am supposed to bow down to you. I am supposed to let you take advantage of me again. I am supposed to let you hit me anytime you wish. I am supposed to breathe just so you can have another day to make me cry till I bleed. I am supposed to be reasonable. I am supposed not to worry. I am supposed not to have any insecurities. I am supposed not to leave you. I am supposed not to be astray. I am supposed not to be me...

Even though it is not my fault, I am blamed. Even though it is not the words that came out of my mouth, I am penalized for life over it. Even though it is not what I meant, I am sodomized for it...

Why can't I just stop breathing? Why can't I just run away? Why can't I smile like I mean it? Why can't I stop pretending? Why can't I be strong? Why can't I be alive? Why can't I just bleed to death? Why can't I stop bleeding? Why can't I stop contradicting myself? Why can't I stop being confused? Why can't I just die in front of you?

What would you do if I slit my throat and take the secrets I kept to my grave? What would you do if I slit my wrists and take the poison that has been endlessly flowing in my system to the ground? What would you do if you know? What would you do?

Nobody gives a damn about me. Nobody ever cares about me. Everybody takes advantage of me. I am sick and tired of always feeling depressed. I just want to be normal. Somehow my wish seems out of this world. I just want to be happy too. I just want to be carefree, just like you. I just want to be cheered up, just like you. I just want you to love me, just like you. I just want to know that I got you in my life, now till the end time. I just want to know that you will never walk away with my heart again. I just want to know that you will never do me wrong again. I just want to know the truth behind your burning passion and desire for me. I just want to know if this will be all worthwhile between us. I just want to know what I don't...

You know that deep in your heart, I love you. Too much. There is nothing I would never do for you. Just name it and you got it. All I want in return is endless love for me, that will never have to make me cry and beg over it. Listen to me and be good to me. Yet, it seems to be hardest to get apparently. And I can't quite place my finger on this. You used to be...Impeccable. I felt no pain. I felt no sorrow. I felt no burden. I felt no regrets...

A part of me still believe we can work it out. I love you and you love me. Now and till the end of time. Nothing can come in our way ever again. There is nothing we have not gone through. We made it through it all before. So why not now?

P.S: I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN WITH YOU );

Everybody's Fool.

2009-05-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

Why must the simplest thing be hardest to get?

All I ever wanted was to stay alive. Breathe in ease. Bleed no more. Run away like the wind. Smile like I truly mean it. A heart that can never die. Yet, the odds of obtaining such simplicity are even higher than begging God for world peace. God. The cruel. The twisted. the conniving. The worst of them all. I thought He was supposed to heal me. I thought He was to strengthen me. Yet, the opposites came along...

My heart is dead. My eyes are swollen. My wrists are bleeding. My tongue is cut. My throat is slashed. My lungs have dried. My bones have broken. My limds are sawed. And I all I have left is memories of you and I in those golden days. Hope is still deep within me of knowing I can carry on forever. Faith still lingers like the ghost of you that we can make it through the night. Love still follows me like a shadow...

Ever Never.

2009-05-19T12:45:00.005+08:00

Hiding under the cover creases will not do me any good anymore. Crying my heart out will not do me well anymore. Bleeding to death will not make me feel alive anymore...

If only each breath I exhale can erase my pain. If only each blink I make can cure me. If only each move I take can build me up. If only each tear dropped can strengthen me. If only each prayer done is answered. If only each time I die I get to live again...

I know everyone can see me. They hear me scream. They just watch. Each and everyone of them just stand there. Watching me fall. Watching me bleed. Watching me die. They think it is fun that I get whole and break down everyday and night. Sadistic dickheads...They never care. They never near. They never bother. They never tell the truth. They never love. They never treasure. They never appreciate. They never. Never...

Better Than Me.

2009-05-08T20:57:00.003+08:00

I held the gun, trying to defend myself. I ended up shooting myself in the head...

I sat at the corner of the room, hugging my cut knees. Away from all the pieces on the floor. They reflected the light shining down on it all over the room. My feet were badly cut. So were my wrists and cheeks. My tears turned to blood. I could not stand the girl in the mirror. She was too ghastly for my sight and mind to comprehend. There was too much deceit going on. It was over whelming and so I punched my mirror. So many fragments shattered all over the floor. The mirror broke into a million pieces, just like my bones...

Nothing was ever the same. Faith has died. Innocence has been stained. Purity has been astrayed. Love has resorted to Hate...

The moonless sky stared down upon me. It refused to shine some light down on me, guiding me to the right path. Cruelty has gotten the best of it. It was not as if I deserved it, anyways. I knew I had let myself down. I knew I had been doing a truckful of killings that I should not have done in the first place. I knew I am in denial. I knew that I never knew I knew...

P.S: I KILLED THE BEST OF ME...

Paint Your Target.

2009-04-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

I spoke to the God. He told me things. He told me a lot of things. Things that I knew that were not true. Things that I knew that were impossible. Things that the Devil had told me otherwise...

As I walk along this lonely path in the darkness, I hear haunting voices that try to scare my mind and lose my focus in wanting to stay alive. I fight back by being deaf to the evil whispers that mysteriously appear in my head. If I am not mistaken, I see you. Each time I turn my head around for I feel there is someone creeping up from behind of me, I feel you. I call out your name, but you choose to be silent. I wait. I just keep on waiting...

So I Thought.

2009-04-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

With the gun in my hand, I think about things...

I think bout how happy we used to be. I think bout how you used to make me smile. I think bout how you used to be an angel for me. I think bout how much I used to love you. I think bout the purity we used to share. I think bout the innocence that came with that. I think bout how you used to care for me. I think bout how I used to care for you. I think bout how you promised never to hurt me. I think bout how much that was a lie...

If only the air I exhale can eradicate the immense agony I have in my system, my lungs will not have dried. If only the place I call home is not one bit hellish, I would not have been hurt. If only my heart was whole, I would not have been this empty. If only...

I lie to myself. I live in my own denial. I am my own worst nemesis. I am on the verge of self-destruction. the worst part of it all, I am all alone...

P.S: I MISS HOW WE USED TO BE...

Where Have You Gone?

2009-03-18T21:54:00.006+08:00

Wind sends chill down my spine. I look out into the night sky. It is moonless and starless. Just still. And dead. Dead. Everything seems so dead. Yet, I wonder what makes you think I am doing fine...

How do I breathe when there is no air? How do I fly without my wings? How do I see when there is only darkness lingering near me? How do I move without limbs? How do I smile when Happiness has been eradicated from me? How do I stay cool when the sun keeps burning me? How do I near you when you keep pushing me away? How do I love you when you hate me? How do I?

I wipe my own tears. The salty water has turned bloodied. Maybe I should not have cried so much. I hug my own self to console me. Your warmth has faded away. I bleed myself to sleep. Your comfort has turned into thorns. I look into the mirror to tell myself that I am beautiful. But, what I see is a girl that I can barely recognize. She looks so withered. Sunken. Red-eyed. Bloodied. Skeletal. Frail. Full of sorrow. Pale as death. Hollow. Alone. Asphyxiated. Pain always seems to get the best of her...

The colors of my life that light up my dark world. The sun that always shines for me. The clouds that always shade me. The rain that dances me with me. The air that plays with my hair. The tree that protects me. The ground that puts my feet together. The birds that I fly with. The roses that blossom for me. The happiness that I once had. The love that I once treasured. The comfort I once knew. The company that I once enjoyed. The protection that I once owned. The defense I once got. The mind I used to have. The hand I used to hold. The lips I used to kiss. The ear I used to whisper to. Where have you gone? );

P.S: I LOST FAITH IN YOU.

I Hate This Part.

2009-03-06T17:07:00.003+08:00

Each time I think things cannot be any worse, reality surprises me...

I have been living in denial thinking that things will be alright between us. Maybe I did so to comfort myself who has been going through countless and endless agony from all the places that I have been. I tell myself that you are always with me when in fact I have been alone all along. I tell myself that you love me when in fact I know you hate me. I tell myself that you got my back when in fact you are just waiting to watch me fall face down in the dirt. I tell myself you care a lot bout me when in fact you keep hurting me with tremendous dosage of emotional abuse. I tell myself that you are just angry at me when in fact you get mean because you are tired of me. I tell myself to be nicer to you when in fact I am adding more pain for me...

I guess I am the stupidest girl on earth, thinking that you could drown my pain away. I thought I could depend on you. I thought you could give me happiness. I thought you could be nice to me. I thought you could comfort me. I thought you could be mine. I thought we could last. I thought you could be the one for me. I thought you could end my pain. I thought I was special. I thought we were all supposed to be. I thought I could grow old with you. I thought I could walk down the aisle with you. I thought wrong...

I was everything to you. I was the world for you. I was the girl made for you. I was the one destined to be yours. I was the one who made you elated. I was the one who helped you. I was the one who was standing in the rain when I gave you my umbrella. I was the one who was burnt my the sun when I let you have shade under the tree. I was the one who was broken when I tried to protect you from any harm. I was the one bleeding when I tried defending you. I was the one who stood by your side. I was the one who gave my heart and soul to you. I was the one who patched the holes in your heart. I was the one who ended your pain. I was the one who gave you strength. I was the one who gave you the world. I was...

However, just know that I will never forget you, my best friend. I will not erase those good times that we shared. I will not shed the beauty of being able to stare into your eyes. I will not let go of the smiles you flashed me. I will not remove the joy I used to feel when we were together. You are still the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one that showed me a whole new world that I had never discovered. Thank you for all that you have done. You are truly the greatest joy I had ever known. It is amazing how much happiness I could experience from you. I will treasure what we have went through be it good or bad. You are really one of God's best creations, my dear. I know I will miss you greatly );

P.S: I WAS YOUR HEART & YOU ARE MY BLOOD.

Family Tradition.

2009-03-05T16:18:00.003+08:00

I am still amazed by the fact I am still alive. I do not know how I could have gotten this far...

They co-erce me to do alot of things that I do not fancy. They force me to meet up with their expectations. Ironically, the more I conform, the worst they get. They keep taking but I had never once seen that they try to give back. They live to bring me down for some evil reasons. And I do not know why...

I scream out loud but nobody wants to near. I bleed but nobody seems to care. I cry but nobody wants to notice. I die but nobody seems to realize...

I cannot carry on living like this. The pain is over whelming. The strength is withering. I need to get my feet back on the ground. So I numb myself. It beats crying day and night. It beats bleeding forever. It beats crying myself to sleep...

P.S: WHEN WILL IT ALL END?

Alive.

2009-03-03T17:51:00.002+08:00

Air is poison. Deoxygenated blood creeps through my veins. Lungs have scattered. Heart is broken. Blood is drained. But how am I still alive?

Every day is a war. I got no other choice but to put up a fight. Bruises are all over my body. Yet, I stay strong. The most they can do is think they can give me hell. Little did they know that I am way ahead of their game. If they knew, I would be watching their faces scarred in dismay...

Just because I smile, it does not mean I am fine. Just because I laugh, it does not mean I am not in pure agony. Just because I get on with my day, it does not mean I am alright. Just because I do not have scars on my skin, it does not mean I am not bleeding deep inside. Just because I tell the truth, it does not mean I am not lying...

P.S: YOU CAN NEVER FIGURE ME OUT, LOSERS!

If I Let You Go.

2009-03-01T17:48:00.002+08:00

The sun turns black. The moon loses its radiance. The stars fade away. The clouds move to another place. There are cracks in the wall. There are holes in my heart. There will be poison in my veins. Blood will come out from these eyes. My days will become nights. My sunshine will be my worst enemy. My roses wither. My trees die. Just like me...

I cannot live without you, baby. You will always be a part of me. And if you were ever to walk away, please tell me you will be back in my life cus when you leave, you take the best part of me. I love you, my dear. I cannot spend a second without you. I cannot breathe if you ain't here with me. I need you by my side to get me through the day...

Nothing much needs to be said for you are my one and only...

P.S: I LOVE YOU, BABY.

Run.

2009-03-01T15:42:00.002+08:00

My bones have been broken. My lungs are dried. My mind is weaving. All that I got left is my ever-flowing blood in my poisoned veins and a wholesome heart...

I will always be with you for the rest of my life. I love you, my dear. Nobody can stop me from loving you. You are everything for me. Through the good and the bad, we have each other till the end time...

People are always in disbelief to the things that they refuse to believe. They get afraid to the things that they cannot explain. But, we can and we will put up a fight, hon. I will stand up tall and proud with all these nasty scars on my charred skin. I will show the world just what our Love means to me. To us. To our future...

P.S: I WILL BE YOURS FOREVER...

Leave Out All The Rest.

2009-02-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

Ain't it funny how people walk all over me? Ain't it funny how I am still breathing when air is posion? Ain't it funny when people cannot give a shit bout me? Ain't it funny when they neglect humanity? No. It is not...

I am ever so disgusted with your pretense. I am ever so tired of your drama. I am ever so over with your lies. I am ever so done with your bullshit. I am ever so bored of the same old nothing. You will never change. That is the bottomline. None of you will ever fucking change because you are far beyond comprehension...

P.S: WHEN WILL YOU BURY YOURSELF?

Incarcerated.

2009-02-17T12:56:00.002+08:00

And so we evolved...

You are more than my drug and I am more than the convicted abuser. You are more than my heart and I am more than your blood. You are more than my sunshine and I am more than your cloud. You are more than my tree and I am more than your grass. You are more than a smile and I am more than the gold...

You are not my tattoo on my heart. You are my birthmark. You are not my dear one. You are more than an angel in my eyes...

I love you with all my heart. I love you forever and more. I wonder if that is ever enough. I just wanna be with you for the rest of my life, my baby. I am madly into you. Damn. I got huge crush on you, darling. And I am glad we are over that phase...

P.S: YOU ARE THE BEST EVER!!!

Mirror, Mirror.

2009-02-01T16:11:00.002+08:00

It is simply amazing to know that we are never apart, even though we are at different places most of the time...

When I eat, you are the one full. When I drink, you are the one drenched. When I cry, you are the one feeling miserable. When I bleed, you are the one hurt. When I smile, you are the one overjoyed. When I laugh, you are the one having a good time. And the best part is, I get to go through what you have to for me. How wonderful is this?!

Call me crazy. Call me deluded. Call me stupid. Call me dreamer. Call me anything that you want. But, I sure as hell know how Love is supposed to feel like. There is nobody better to share this beautiful feeling than you, my beloved one. You are so fucking special to me and I cannot say it any better...

I love you. I truly, madly, deeply love you. I cannot imagine how anyone could have broken your fragile heart when your love is stronger than steel for me. I am ever so happy when you are around. And even when you are not, I always see you in my dreams...

P.S: I MISS YOU.

2009-01-30T08:59:00.000+08:00

It has been a while...

A Perfectly Good Heart.

2009-01-26T21:03:00.002+08:00

I leave my window open, so that the wind can bring you right to my room...

I miss you, my dear. I miss you so much. A second without you is like a minute. An hour without you is like a day. Days without you are like weeks. Weeks without you are like months. Months without you feel like an eternity. I doubt my heart can handle this much longing of you...

I wanna go back to the days we knew how to smile...

I miss all about you. I miss the way you smile at me. I miss the way your dimples will pop when you do. I miss the way you look at me. I miss the way you blush. I miss the way you stare at my face. I miss the way you pull my chin to plant a kiss on my lips. I miss the taste of your mouth. I miss the way your hair feels when I brush my fingers through them. I miss the way you smell. I miss the scent of your hair. I miss the way you feel. I miss the way you touch me...

My skin is calling out your name. It has turned cold. My soul has been led astrayed. My heart has withered. I just need you so badly. I do not have to let go of you....

P.S: I AM SO MADLY INTO YOU

Tattooed.

2009-01-15T22:32:00.002+08:00

I think you should know that you will always be in my mind. Oh, how I wish you can have one last breath to see this...

I will not miss you for you are not gone for even a whole minute. I will not cry over this for you are much happier by now. All I gotta do is shut my eyes. And I see you. I see all of you, baby. I see you being healthy right before me. I see you, baby. I can. As painful as this sounds, I have comfort in knowing that you are in a better place by now. Without me. Without me taking care of you. Without me feeding you. Without me protecting you. Without me bothering about you. Without me playing with you. Without me looking out for you...

I just wanna take back those misspent days. And I wish I can take back those painful words I have said. I wanna hold you again. I thought I can end your pain. All I need is I one last minute, to look at you in the eye and say just how much I love you and that having you is the best thing that has ever occurred to me...

I am sorry for all the pain I caused. I am sorry the apology cannot be better. I am sorry that I did not do my part in healing you. I am sorry...

Just know that I will always love you. And no matter where you are, you will always be a part of me. My heart belongs to you, my little darling. Please take care of yourself, now that I can no longer be there with you...

P.S: IF THERE WAS A GOD, WHY HAS HE LET YOU DIE?

Left Behind.

2009-01-15T22:09:00.003+08:00

I will never keep your memory vague...

It kills me to place you in that casket, lowering it to the ground. I am certain by now you are in a better place where you can no longer feel pain, my little darling. I wish I can stay by your side, throughout the cold night to keep you company, like how you would do for me...

Like I have said, you will never be missed for you are always right here, safely kept in my heart. I am sorry that I left you by your side down there. Just remember that I will always love you...

P.S: YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

Precious Feeling.

2009-01-10T00:19:00.002+08:00

I love you. There is nothing better to hear you whisper those three words to my ear, baby...

I just want you for the rest of my life. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna die in your arms. Your heart is the only place I call Home. Your arms is the only place I depict Heaven. You are simply everything to me. Loving you is the best thing I can do. I have never knew this hidden talent of mine. Thank you for unravelling it for me, sweetheart. You are so thoughtful. As always. Just like I love you to. You take my breath away. You never fail to. Oh gosh...

I am so madly into you. I am hard on over you, baby. What have you done to me?

P.S: LOVE WILL SEE US THROUGH IN DEATH

Me Inside.

2008-12-26T20:10:00.004+08:00

Let go of me. I can run...

Can you shut the fuck up? Can't you see that I just can't hear you? There are so many voices in my head. I don't know where they came from or how they got there. They sound so troubled. Screeching in pain. Pitching in sorrow. So many voices, yet they all sound like me. Simply trapped inside. As always...

Can you stop breathing down on my neck? Can't you see that I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders? It's heavy enough already. I don't need you to make me unstable now. I just got my feet back on the ground. Stop trying to make me sway, cus it ain't gonna happen...

Can you leave me alone? I'm troubled enough already. So many lies keep swirling around me. It's trying to kill my oxygen with the cruel intention to suffocate me further besides its sick nature. God-damned creatures like you...

P.S: STOP CHANGING ME. I WON'T CONFORM TO YOU!!!

Purity.

2008-12-26T12:11:00.002+08:00

I am on the verge of drastic ways. I just wanna pack my things, dreams and heart in my suitcase and walk out of that door, with my hand in yours...

I wanna be in a place where no one knows our names. I wanna go to some place safe. I wanna go to a place where I do not know what Pain and Sorrow are. I wanna go somewhere where Love is more than just your name, my dear. I wanna build our lives from then on. Nobody left to hold us down. Nobody left. Nobody...

Air is poison here. My lungs hurt from breathing. What is breathing supposed to do? It makes no difference to me. I am dead in any case...

They are truly unbelievable. Disgusting. Ruthless. Sick. Twisted. Conniving. Deceitful. Cheap. Low-life. Pathetic. Worthless. Meaningless. Insignificant. Filthy. Rotten. Wasted. Merciless. Hurtful. Antagonizing. Provokers. And all of the other putrid words that are not found in a happy person's vocabulary...

I am just sick and tired of them. As always. Thankfully, I have you, my dearest to keep me going on. You are just the greatest. I will love you forever and more, Honey.

P.S: I AM DONE HEALING, FUCKERS!

Dirty Lil' Soul-Frigger.

2008-12-25T11:58:00.004+08:00

You are the biggest mother fucker I have ever met. You are always in denial. Nobody can correct you for you think you are far more superior than anyone. You fucking cheesedick. What the fuck was God thinking when he created you? I bet he was not sober...

You are so full of filth. You dirty soul-digger. You are putrid. Every part of you looks like food to the Lucifer. I suppose everyone has a guardian angel. And yours is Lucifer...

P.S: BURN IN HELL, YOU FUCKING WHORE!

Supposedly.

2008-12-24T17:06:00.002+08:00

Suppose you see me on the floor covered in my own blood one night. Suppose you see me standing on the ledge on the tallest building. Suppose you see me lying in the middle of the highway. Suppose you see me walk to a moving car. Suppose I die. What would you do?

The ragged edges of my broken bones are turning to dust. It seems like I cannot be fixed anymore. How on earth have I gotten so fragile? The bruises on my hands are turning purple now. I appear alienic. I just don't think I know myself anymore...

Sick.

2008-12-23T11:35:00.002+08:00

Stop pretending to be a saint. Stop pretending you do not hate me. Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending to be God. Stop pretending to do your job as a parent. Stop pretending to bother bout me. Stop pretending you are giving me fullest support. Stop it. Just stop pretending...

Your mask has fallen. Your disguise has faded. Your walls have crumbled. You are so disgusting. Just like your good-for-nothing son. The two of you deserve each other. I cannot stand the sight of you. You are the sickest person I ever met. The funny thing is you do not even know that I knew...

P.S: I HATE YOU BITCHES!

The Silhouette I Was.

2008-12-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

I have never knew the meaning of Happiness till you carve a smile on my lips. I have never knew the meaning of Life till you breathe into me. I have never knew the meaning of Freedom till you give me wings and let me fly. I have never knew the meaning of Care till you carried the weight of the world off of my shoulders. I have never knew the meaning of Comfort and Security till you hold me tightly in your arms. I have never knew the meaning of Love till you kiss me...

I cannot think of anyone better to share this wonderful feelings with but you, my dear. You are more than a man. More than anything in this world. You are one of a kind. And I love you with all my heart. I wanna give my last breath to you. I wanna give my hand to you for a whole lifetime. I wanna grow old with you. I wanna die in your arms, darling...

Sure there are times when I feel hurt by you. Sure there are times when you feel hurt by me. Sure there are times when I feel neglected by you. Sure there are times when you feel neglected by me. But hey, it is the eternal flame in our hearts that matters most...

P.S: I WANNA MARRY YOU.

Just Maybe.

2008-12-17T14:21:00.002+08:00

I closed my eyes. I saw you. My mouth kept shut. I screamed at the top of my lungs. But, you refused to listen...

*Sigh*

When will it be time for you to grow up? When will it be time for you to understand? When will it be time for you to learn? When will it be time for you to realize? When will it be for you to open your eyes? When will it?

Maybe after I walk out of that door, you would. Maybe after I turn my back, you could. Maybe. Just maybe...

Speak.

2008-12-12T23:23:00.003+08:00

Do not play me with your silence...

What is the point of hurting me first, then try to apologize? What is the point of killing me, then try to revive me? What is the point of watching me fall, then try to save me? What is the point of drowning me, then try to resusitate me? What is the point? What is your point?

You, of all people, you...

I cannot believe you have to do this to me. What the fuck is the matter with you? Are you that blind to my love for you? Are you that ignorant to my pain? Are you that defiant to my cries? Are you that way? Are you?

So I Thought.

2008-12-12T23:14:00.004+08:00

What would you do if I were to tell you the things my heart has been screaming day and night? What would you do if I were to show you all of my scars? What would you do if I were to kill you the way you killed me?

I thought you could be the best. I thought you could be trusted. I thought you could treat me right. I thought you could care. I thought you could be bothered. I thought you could be nice. I thought you could make a difference. I thought you could stand out of the norm. I thought you could help me out. I thought you could not stake my heart. I thought wrong...

You are so mother fucking lucky that I am not doing you the way you are doing to me. This is why we can still be together. Otherwise, you are so far gone like a firefly without a light. Come on. I just wanna love you. Why must you keep making it hard to do?

P.S: I THINK I SHOULD TREAT YOU ALIKE.

Beauty of Happiness Murdered Me.

2008-12-10T20:47:00.004+08:00

Happiness is such a cruel torture device that God has intended for our hearts to suffer...

Why am I so deluded? Why am I so trusting? Why am I so stupid? Why am I so in denial? Why am I so blind? Why am I so weak? Why am I so silly? Why am I so fragile? Why am I so broken? Why am I so breathless? Why am I so filthy? Why am I so useless? Why am I so worthless? Why am I so dependant? Why am I so cut up? Why am I so alone? Am I too kind? Am I too nice? Am I too forgiving? Am I too soft? Am I too dead?

I wonder. I just sit and wonder. I wonder about a lot of things. I feel like I do not know myself anymore. I do not know how I am supposed to feel. I do not know what to believe now. I look at the mirror and it breaks into a million of pieces. I do not know if that is an omen or not. I do not know a lot of things...

Why can't everybody even you leave me alone?

I am so exhausted from Life. It requires so much work. Who knew Life could be such a bitch? And to think I am supposed to believe in a God that does not listen nor help. What a joke. God is so conniving. He creates me for nothing, dumps me on this barren heath and watches me suffer from up above. I bet he is having fun right now. Mother fucker. You know what will be funny? It is when I stuff my foot down your throat and see what you are going to do about it. Or how about I stuff my foot up your asshole? Which do you prefer, cheesedick? Bastard. YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!! And if God could be like this, how bout mere human beings that are so full of weakness, hatred and hypocrisy? Shit fuckers...

Evil. Everyone is evil. No one is nice. No one. Not even you. You love to watch me fall. You love to put salt in my opened wounds. You love to hurt me on purpose. You love to go against me. You love to stab me from the back. You love to give me false hopes. You love to crush my dreams You love to make me cry. You love to see me convulse in agony. You love for all the wrong reasons...

What is Life? I got no idea what that is anymore...

Can you just stop the games you are playing now because I am very tired? Can you put a bullet in my head so that I can stop thinking why I am a born loser? Can you stab me in the face so that I do not have to see myself in pain again? Can you push me over the ledge so that I can take one last horror of Life before I go to Hell ? Can you slit my throat so that I can take my secrets with me? Can you watch me fall so you know what I mean?

P.S: Can you let me?

Red Sam.

2008-12-10T19:33:00.002+08:00

Here I stand. Empty hands. I wish my wrists were bleeding. So that I can stop the pain from the beatings...

I tape my windows and doors to sound-proof my world. I splash dark paint all over these four walls. I look at my bed. The cover creases have been stained in red. It was not paint. I look away in disdain. I sit at a corner. I cry my heart out. I scream as loud as I can. Nobody can hear me. Nobody wants to near me...

I take the blade and start to slash all part of me. Yet, I refuse to die. I refuse to drain my life out. I can only afford to bleed. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. Why?

I should have known better. It is you, sweetheart. You are the reason why I still wanna hold my head up high and smile. You are the reason why I still wanna get my feet on the ground and put up a fight. You are the reason why I still have oxygenated blood in me. You are the reason why I love you...

P.S: I WANNA LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME.

Outta My Head.

2008-12-07T19:59:00.000+08:00

When will you get out of my life?

I am sick of having violent morbid images playing over and over at the back of my head. It seems like the more I do not talk about it, the more impossible it gets for me to be normal. I am tired of seeing blood everywhere. I am done...

Will it all end when I shoot you right in the head? Will it all end when I stab you in the face? Will it all end when I piss at your deathbed? Will it all end if I end my life?

Everyday.

2008-12-06T12:54:00.001+08:00

We have grown old with time. We have come so far to understand things that nobody can. There are so many tears have been shed. So much pain has been erased. So many smiles seen. So much joy felt. So much freedom known. So many beautiful memories created with your hand in mine...

You are a part of me. You will always belong to me. You are safely locked in my well-fixed heart. You are the one I have been searching for. You are the man in my dreams when I was a little girl. You are the angel who has been watching over me. Your love for me is bigger than this world and you are greater than God himself..

It is such a wonderful feeling to have found my lifeline at such a ripe age. I am so glad that it is you that I am sharing my precious moments with. I cannot think of anyone better to spend these happy times with...

P.S: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN TODAY & I MISS YOU MORE THAN I DID YESTERDAY.

Nymphetamine.

2008-11-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

You are just like a pill; instead of making me better; you are making me ill. You are indeed my drug and I am the abuser...

Your eyes are meant to look after me. They are not to burn the soul that is inside of me. Your lips are supposed to kiss me tenderly. They are not to hurt me with those mean words that I never knew existed. Your hands are made to hold me tight through those cold nights. They are not to beat me senseless. Your heart is meant to make me whole. It is not to break me into a million pieces. Your mind is to think of ways to be a better person for me. It is not to think of other ways to tear me apart. Your head is to replay our beautiful memories created. It is not to be a weapon onto mine...

My eyes are meant to look after you. They are not to shed so much tears till blood start to stain my cheeks. My lips are supposed to kiss you tenderly. They are not to quiver in fear. My hands are made to hold you tight through those cold nights. They are not to be sliced. My heart is to make you whole. It is not to be full; only to know that it will be shattered in time to come. My mind is to think of ways to be a better person for you. It is not to be hurt of so many unanswered questions of why you have to treat me this way. My head is to replay our beautiful memories created. It is not to be banged against the wall till my skull cracks...

I need you more than anything in this world. You are the reason why I wake up in the morning. You are why I breathe. You are why blood is still flowing in my veins. You are why I found myself again. You are why I am who I am today. You are why I smile. You are why I laugh. You are why I feel safe. You are why I feel belonged. You are why I know what Love is all about...

Come on. Show me the man who is more than an angel that is incarcerated in you. Show me the man who means the world to me. Show me the man who is far more greater than God himself. Show me the man who I am living for. Show me the man who I cannot live without. Show me the man who I wanna grow old with. Show me the man who is the only one for me. Show me the man who truly loves me. Show me the man who I have been waiting for all my life. Show me you...

P.S: I STILL LOVE YOU.

Bleed No More.

2008-11-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

I am no longer ashamed of myself. I am no longer afraid of my reflection. I am no longer disgusted by my existence. I am no longer weak. I am no longer breathless. I am no longer emotionally drained. I am no longer what they used to think I was. I am no longer one of them. I am no longer lost. I am no longer confused. I am no longer abandoned. I am no longer broken. I am no longer dead...

You rejuvenated me. You fixed me. You lifted me. You fed me. You breathed into me. You poured blood into my mouth. You gave me a heart that was greater than God. You directed my spirit back to my hollow body.You mended my wings and made me fly. You took great care of me. You protected me. You loved me...

I love you with all of my heart. Even when I die, our love will carry on. Let these words be written on our graves. We shall be the demolition lovers that will scar their hearts...

P.S: IF YOU WERE EVER OUT OF MY LIFE FOR EVEN JUST A MINUTE, I WILL END ME.
I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART...

All For You.

2008-11-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Pairs are ordained in Heaven. Love is meant for you and I...

I love you with all my heart. I have never felt this way before. I am so mesmerized by a glance. I am so hypnotized by a kiss. I am so belonged by a hug. I am so into you. You truly are one of a kind.You are everything I know. You are everything I have. You are everything I want to be. You are everything I care about. You are everything I need. You are all that I am today...

Just know that every move I make is for us. Every step I take is to near you. Every breath I take is to love you...

Silence Kills You.

2008-11-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

Hey, haven't you heard?

I hate you. I hate each and everyone of you. I despise your being. I loathe the sight of you. You are the creature from the damnest Hell ever existed. You are a monster from a child's nightmare. You are my living nightmare. You are Lucfier's next of kin. You are the one that I have been hunting. You are the one I have been aiming. You are the one I have been targeting. You are the one I have been killing...

I am far too strong for you now. You can no longer break me down. You can no longer tear me apart. You can no longer eat me up inside. Your days are long gone. Just like you. It is so disgusting to share the same fucking blood type as you. This can't be happening...

In any case, I am done healing. And there is nothing you can do about it...

Far Behind.

2008-11-22T22:16:00.000+08:00

Am I emotionally drained?

Maybe it is my fault. I love you too much. I nurture you far too long. I care for you too deeply. I bother about you more than myself. I treasure you more than Life. I hold onto you far too tightly and now I end up hurting myself. You are right. As always. I need to stop blaming you. I really should. I am feeling this way cause of my own actions. I deserve all the blood shed. I deserve all the pain felt. I deserve all the tears cried. I deserve all the time alone. I deserve all the moments in the ashes...

I guess I am born to be this way. I am not supposed to know what Happiness is all about. I am not meant to understand what true Love is. I am not to near the Garden of Eden. I am not to do a lot of things. And perhaps loving somebody was one of them...

Higinia.

2008-11-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

Things are just not the same anymore...

I am doing my best to patch the holes that I see. Let me do that. I am doing my best to pick up the pieces that I left behind. Help me do that. I am doing my best to make it through the day. Let me do that. I am doing my best to stop bleeding. Help me do that. I am doing my best to be happy. Let me do that. I am doing my best to help you. Help me do that. I am doing my best to breathe. Let me do that. I am doing my best to care for you. Help me do that. I am doing my best to hold onto you. Let me do that. I am doing my best to love you. Help me do that...

Why must you, of all people, hurt me too?

Yes. You do carry the world for me. But hey, the weight is on my shoulders. You have my heart in your hands. But hey, the breath is out of me. You took my hand. But hey, the sorrow is deepening within me. Do you know that when you hurt me I die? This is because you are the only one that I got and you just have to knife me from behind...

I should have known better. After all, you are still just another human being...

P.S: I WILL NOT BE AS NICE AS I WAS TO YOU CAUSE YOU DO NOT FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Dig.

2008-11-19T19:26:00.000+08:00

I guess the only way to repay you is by loving you forever. Yet, forever does not seem long enough...

Once again, job well done, my dear. I would give you a solo standing ovation. You never fail to carve a smile upon my smile. You never fail to hear my laughter. You never fail to see me jumping for joy. You are so amazing. You truly are. You are so full of surprises. And I love this about you, baby. You could actually treat me much better. That is so uncalled for. But hey, I love it. Please do not stop. You are so perfect for me. I would not change a thing on you. You are everything that I ever needed. I love you, sweetheart. You are so special to me. It is a sin to even dare to associate mere words to describe great you, my dear...

Isn't it lovely? You have always been there for me. You watched me metamorphosis from a little girl to a young lady. You made me who I am today. You stood by me, in case I needed your help. You have always been there! Gosh. How could I have been so blind. Thankfully, I grabbed your hand much earlier before it got too late. Phew!

I just wanna say I love you. Even if it takes a whole lifetime, rest assured, I will...

Sooner Or Later.

2008-11-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

Thank you for never failing to be my one true friend, sweetheart...

As days pass me by, my love gets stronger. As nights watch me sleep, my mising of you gets shorter. As sunshine plays with my skin, my thoughts of you get vivid. As rain falls over me, my mistakes of hurting you get washed away. As wind carresses my body, my wanting of you gets deeper...

I love you. Before. Now. And till then...

The Crimson.

2008-11-10T21:22:00.001+08:00

People like you should be crucified. Then maybe, just maybe, you have an idea of what the fuck you are talking about...

Who are you to tell me what Happiness is like when you are the one drowning me in Misery? Who are you to tell me what Life is supposed to be like when you are the one killing me? Who are you to tell me what breathing is meant to be when you are the one suffocating me? Who are you to tell me what Love is when you are the one who forced me to see that I am full of Hate? Who are you to tell me what Freedom is all about when you are the one who confined me? Who are you to tell me about Respect when you belittle me continuously?

If you must know for being ignorant as always, Benjamin is the one I will love. The one I will care. The one I will cherish. The one I will bother. The one I will respect. The one I will be honest with. The one I will be loyal to. The one I will stick to till the end of time...

What is the matter with you? Are you so fucking retarded that you cannot a single thing that is going on? And you dare say that I am stupid. How ironic. Tsk-tsk. By the way, you gotta stop fucking laying hands on me, you dirty little soul frigger. You are old. All of you. And you are simply courting Death with me...

Yes. I may be little but I have a heart that is bigger than yours. So does the man I truly love. If you are so fucking blind to see that he is the true one for me, then I guess that is just too bad. You got fucking idea just what you are missing out. I do not know what the fuck you want from me. You are wasting time and effort trying to stuff your beliefs down my throat, bitches...

And yes. I am still under your fucking ruthless control. But, just you wait and mark these words of Hatred. I will never be present at your funeral. Even if I am, I will be pissing at your cold white face. Each and every one of you. I will only give my Pain back to your fucking lifeless face as you lie in that fucking big coffin for you. I will make sure you go to Hell even if that means it will be afterlife...

I am tired of being depressed for I have the man of my life with me this time round. That is why I am not gonna break down. That is why I am not gonna crack. That is why I will make sure I stay happy regardless of the shit I will be going through...

And if you got a problem with that, TAKE YOUR PAIN & SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE!

Anything.

2008-11-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

I stopped walking for a little while. I placed my hand at my chest. I was engulfed by shock and confusion. I did not find my heartbeat. I panicked. What was going on? Have I gone too near to the white light too soon? I closed my eyes. I saw you. I smiled. I remembered. I had given you my heart way before I met you, my dear...

I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I love you more than the way those marine life loves the ocean. I love you more than the way the trees love the sun. I love you more than how a mother would love a child. I love you more than anyone else...

Need.

2008-11-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

Ain't it funny how Life seems to fuck our plans every now and then?

I feel so wasted right now. I thought it could have been better in time. But, I am wrong. I need to know how to make things better now. I needed more help all along. I am so lost. I am getting so scared. I am all out of brilliant ideas to make our lives better, sweetheart...

Please help me out here. I need to know what there is to be done. So much uncertainties are raping my mind now. I feel so faint to even think about it. I am so weak now. Planning this life journey of ours is so draining. I am falling again, baby ):

Gilded Cunt.

2008-11-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I find myself in deep confusion. Who wouldn't be? Imagine being caught in an endless swirl of lies all day and night. Imagine being burnt alive. Imagine being bled out dry. Imagine being drained out with not a single might. Go ahead, imagine...

I have done whatever that I have to do to make it better. I have gave in. I have changed myself. I have tolerated your fucking nonsense for all these past years. I have put up with your senseless arguments. I have beared with your childish tauntings. I have done too much...

You are way out of the line, you fucking bitch. Like I have said before, if you have a bloody problem, tell it to my bloody face. Why must you be a mouse? Come on, give it to me. I have been waiting all my life to feel this way...

I am so over your crap. I am so done with you. I hate you to the core. You are such a soul-frigger.

Like You.

2008-11-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

For the man who I greatly admire...

I love you. I love every single thing about you. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you touch me. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you hold me tight. I love the way you feel my body. I love the way you miss me. I love the way you care about me. I love the way you bother bout me. I love the way you do things for me. I love the way you make me happy. I love the way you love me...

I had promised myself to tattoo a smile on your face, to sow a seed of happiness in your heart, to kill your enemies and to make you a better person. And I did. I did everything I was meant to do for you, my dear. I did all of it with an intention...

I told myself that if we were ever to go our separate ways, you could never forget me. This girl who had done everything for you. This girl who went the extra mile for you. This girl who had stole the sun and stars of heaven for you. This girl who made you who you are today. This girl who will always love you. This girl who will keep you in her heart no matter where she goes...

I am glad that I am yours, baby. Thank you for letting me love you. I will never let you down. All I need is time. I will give you the life you deserve. I love you, darling...

All The Way Again.

2008-11-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

I ponder. It always baffles me how people try to talk sense despite being overtly hypocrites themselves. People like these should be crucified, then maybe they have an idea what they are talking about...

They try to stuff their beliefs down my throat. They try to make me see their point of views about an issue. They try to make me understand that whatever I do is never right. They try to make me fall by lying to me. They try to tell me bout Life by stereotyping it. They try too much...

I am sorry but I do not do this. I do not buy any of them. I will never. And there is nothing they can do about it...

Kiss Of Eden.

2008-10-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

There is nothing I have been hiding from you about myself. There is nothing I have not been telling you about how I feel for you. There is nothing I have not been doing to prove to you that I can be the one...

You are my only best friend that I have specially treasured to date. You know my darkest secrets. You know my prerogative. You know my weaknesses. You know my fears. You know my strengths. You know my pain. You know my sorrow. You know my anger. You know my heart best. You know my happiness. You know my mind. You know me...

You took me in. You fixed me. Instead of using glue and chisel, you used Love. Pure Love. You mended my flaws, perfecting me even further. I was under your great care. Soon enough, you saw that I was ready to fly. And you let me. You watched me try to take flight. You advised me. You gave me tips on how to do so. You stood back. You allowed me to try. And I did. I made it. No matter where I went, I had faith that you were always there, all prepared to catch me before I was to fall...

I am your heart and you are my blood. Slice either of us and we would both bleed. You are this close to me, baby. I love you with all my heart. I love you, love you, love you. I am head over heels for you. I am so into you. I can never get enough of you. It seems like I keep coming back for more. Gosh. What have you done to me, darling?! Well, whatever it is, be mine forever. I will keep you safe and sound with every beat of my heart...

Breathe Today.

2008-10-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

Love will see us through. Even in Death...

People have intervened in our lives. They have messed us up in ways we could never even imagine. They have tried to kill us with lies and conspiracies. All of our plans have been thrown out of the window. All of our dreams were drowned by the rain. All of our hopes died within the night. All of our origins were lost...

Yet, our will to make our future to be brighter than the stars in Heaven can never be killed. Our faith to be successful people in time to come can never fade away. Our beliefs to be as one can never be erased. Our wishes to be together happily can never be forgotten. Our prayers to survive in this cold world can never be left unanswered...

I love you. No one can separate us. I do not give a fuck to what they may do to me or to you. Through the good and the bad, through thick and thin, I will be by your side till the end of time. I will be yours, baby. They need to start living with the fact that I belong to you till the end of days...

Meanwhile, we shall fight....

The Power Of Love.

2008-10-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

You are the hero in my story. You are the victory in my battles. You are my God in my beliefs. You are my truth in my lies. You are my cure of my disease. You are my remedy for this posion my heart has been suffering for years. You are my light in my dark. You are my sun in my rain...

Your face will be the first thing I will see once I close my eyes before I drift to sleep. The only place that is safe to meet you there. A place where we can feel no pain. A place where you can kiss me without fear. A place you can hold me without paranoia. A place you can be near me without tears. A place you can touch me without pain. A place we will dare call Heaven...

Love is when I love you and Life is when you love me. We fell in love once and it is enough to last for a lifetime. My heart will go on for an eternity as you are safely kept in my heart. Even after you and I have perished, our memories will carry on. They will never forget the young lovers that everyone has loathed. The young lovers that everyone could not stand looking at. The young lovers that everyone has despised. The young lovers that everyone has disapproved. The young lovers that made it through it all with no help...

There is nothing I would change about you. I love the way you shine with brilliance in my eyes. The way you stand with diginity as you hold my hand in yours. The way you think maturely for us. The way you have sacrificed to tattoo a smile on my face. The way you bought Happiness for me by the only thing money can never buy; Love...

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...

Do not worry. I will go all out for you. I will fight. I will defend. I will do all that I can to make sure our love will carry on even after Death. I will be with you till the end of time. I will care for you. I will nurture you. I will be yours forever...

P.S: I WANNA MARRY YOU.

Beautiful Disaster.

2008-10-20T19:20:00.000+08:00

It is evident that we have borders at home. The cracks are fine lines between Love and Hate. We are never supposed to cross anyone's path. Otherwise, things could get ugly, just like the way you are...

You blame me for the misery I brought upon you. You curse me for the Hell I have put you through. You hate me for hurting you. You degrade me for the beliefs I held strongly. You disregard me as a human being for my morality. You despise me for the truth I brought upon into your life. You loathe me for my existence...

I would like you to know that the feeling is beyond mutualism. I have hated you before and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. You are nothing but a speck of dirt of my shoulder, itching me day and night. It will just be a matter of time that I will brush you off and blow you away forever...

By the way, if you have a problem with me, tell it to my mother fucking face. If not, all I can say and have been saying is: TAKE YOUR PAIN & SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE, BITCHES!!!!

My Immortal.

2008-10-19T20:34:00.000+08:00

I guess that there are some things in Life that can never fade away even with help of Time...

I cannot let go of you. I am hooked onto you. You are my drug and I am an addict. I need help of my vampyric addiction of you, baby. Oh, hell...I am obssessed with you. What have you done to me? You got me mesmerized with just a glance. You got me hynotized with a kiss. You got me, baby. You got me good...

I am ever so devoted to you. I care so much for you. I have helped you out so much in terms of saving a life even. It is so hard to tell myself that one day you will be gone. I do not want to do that. I love you, baby. I love you, love you, love you with all my heart. There is nothing I would not give to make you happy, baby...

You will always be a part of me. I have safely kept you in my heart. Our memories will linger in time. I will never forget you, my friend. You rock my world. You are the best person I have ever been with. I will not let go of you this easily. I want to be with you at all times. I wanna hug you. I wanna kiss you. I wanna feel you. I want you, baby...

I vow, that no matter what happens, you will always belong to me...

Mannequin.

2008-10-19T14:10:00.000+08:00

I stood by the window. I looked up to the sky. I saw the moon for once in my life. It was pale. It looked sickly. Something caught my attention; the stars. They were brilliant. They seemed so majestic despite their minute size in my eyes. That was when I thought...

They may have held me high just to increase my impact as they watch me fall. They may have held my heart just to slice it into thousands of strips. They may have control over my spirit just to make me die of solitude. But, one thing for sure is that they can never take away my happiness and that is you, baby...

With your hand in mine, we will plot our revenge. Nothing in this world will dare to defy the beauty and strength of our love. Nothing is impossible when you are beside me. After we have had our share of fun, we will runaway to a place where no one knows our name. I cannot wait for my life to start with you, sweetheart...

Meanwhile, what I can say is: TAKE YOUR PAIN & SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE, BITCHES!

Confessions Of A Badly Broken Heart.

2008-10-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

I leaned against the wall in darkness. I slid down, sitting down onto concrete. I hugged my scraped knees. I rested my head on them. I began to cry. There were so many reasons to cry. So many questions left unanswered. So many decisions made wrong. So many lies were told. So many stories were bought. So many tears shed. So many scars made. So many hopes crushed. So many dreams died...

Love was taking its toll on me once again. Mercy ditched me. Justice abandoned me. Sorrow and Anguish adopted me. Little did I know they were trying to endlessly taunt me. I am so messed up...

What have I done? What have they done? What have you done? What was I thinking? What was I doing? When would I know it would be safe?

I have lost everyone that my heart once held tight. I have never known the meaning of the word family as I had never have one in the first place. The people I have been living with are creatures from Hell. They live to bring me down. I had everything that people dreamt they owned and that was happiness. But, soon enough I lost that too. I began to devolve into being one of those people in need of happiness...

And that was when you came into my life and turned it around. You brought me joy. You showed me truth. You taught me things that I never knew existed. I learnt quickly how to love again. You showered me with immense hope and dreams. I began planting them into you. Stupidly I had believed you could be the one for me to the end of time...

You were everything I wanted. You were the man that I wished to marry when I was a little girl. You were the air I breathed. You were the heart in me. You were the sight I saw. You were the warmth I felt. You were simply my world...

Maybe I was too ambitious to love one of God’s angels. Maybe I was not doing it right. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe we were not meant to be. Maybe I was just a passer-by in your life. Maybe I was a hangover for you. Maybe I was right...

I knew from the start you were going to be miserable with me. I knew from the beginning that I could not help you out in your issues. I knew from scratch that I was wasting your precious time and effort. I knew I could not be the one. But I went on with it despite knowing all of these for I was selfish and curious to feel what Love could be about. And I ended up putting you in misery...

I am sorry. I really am. I will always love you no matter what. You are the most amazing person that I have ever met. You are my best friend and the best lover I ever been with. You are one of earth’s most scared and precious gems. You are the sweetest man ever. You are so loving to me. And nobody has ever cared for me the way you have done towards me. It is so remarkable. You have touched my life with the brightest light. I will never forget you. It has been beautiful...

I have enjoyed every second I get to spend with you. I have been the luckiest girl to be able to feel real Love. I am extremely grateful for the things you have done for me. I am thankful for everything you have done. I really am. I am so blessed to have met you )':

You made my heart whole. You made me happy. You shone with brilliance and guided me in the dark. You calmed me down when I was nervous. You protected me when I was in pain. You cared for me when I was sick. You helped me undergone metamorphosis to be a young woman. You turned me into an angel. You changed me to be a better person. You loved me like there was no tomorrow )':

Filth rapes my soul. Dirt creeps into my breath. The poison flows through my veins. I just want my life to end. I am so disgusted of my existence. I do not deserve any of this heartaches. I am so messed up right now. I am tired of myself. I am so sick of me. I keep making the stupidest mistakes that will end up slicing my heart...

I am done with me. I want to die. I have lost the love of my life. I have lost my family. I have lost myself. I have nobody to turn to. I might as well rot in Hell, that is the only place where I would feel right anyways...

Always Be My Baby.

2008-10-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

Anguish has its way of fading away whenever you are near me. The scars on my hand manage to disappear in a blink of an eye whenever you hold my cold shaking hands. I can see my veins once again. Oxygenated blood flows through my veins and I know that this time, I am alive. Sorrow has its way of vanishing into thin air whenever you kiss me. My withered heart becomes well-nourished and it starts to beat again. I guess this explains why I always want you to hold me tight...

I have went the extra mile to cheer you up. I have sacrificed my life just to make you mine. I have lost things and even people that I once had just to have you with me. I have done millions of favors for you, even though at times they are out of my power. I have changed so much for you. I have nurtured you. I have taken great care of you and will always do so till the end of time. I have put in so much hope in us to last for an eternity. I have changed so much for you and I have changed you too...

There is no more turning back. It is now or never. Come what may. We have gone too far to even stop and stare at each other in vain with thousands of contradicting questions in our heads. I love you, baby. I love you with all my heart. I will hold your hand and embrace our future with dignity...

Heart-Shaped Box.

2008-10-15T21:16:00.000+08:00

Words can never describe my feelings for you, sweetheart. You are far too beautiful for me to even dream about...

Everytime I think that I am lonely, you come around to cheer me up. Everytime I feel lousy, you will be there for me to let me see that beauty that is hidden within me that I never seen. Everytime I am down, you have a way to carve a smile on my mouth. Everytime I am afraid of what lies ahead, you have the talent of making me feel composed. Everytime I get paranoid of what I have done, you have God's gift to assure me that I am never in the wrong. Everytime I need something, you will make sure I get it in no more than a day's worth of waiting...

I am terribly spoilt by your love. I am so obese by your endless kindness. I know you are just another man trying to make it in this cold world. Well, that is what everyone would say. But, deep down inside, I know you are an angel. You are the diamond in my eyes...

I love everything about you, sweetheart. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you hug me. I love the way you stare into my eyes. I love the way you pamper me. I love the way you care for me. I love the way you help me. I love the way you remain faithful to me. I love the way you joke with me. I love the way you fight for me...

There is no one else in this world I would rather choose to share this remarkable and splendid feeling with, except with my one and only husband-to-be, Benjamin....

I recite your name like a prayer. Whenever you cannot be there physically for me, I prayed to you. I would think of things you would say to me calm me or what you would want me to do to prevent things to get worst. This is why I keep you in my heart forever. I know you can be there for me 24/7...

I just wanna say thank you for making me your only one. I will show the world how much I love you. I will do my best to give you the life you never had, baby. I love you forever...

Immortality.

2008-10-14T22:09:00.001+08:00

It is such an amazing feeling to know that there is an angel out there, thinking of me every night in his life before he goes to sleep to meet me in his dreams where no one can tear us apart...

I love you to death, baby. You are the most precious thing I ever owned. You are the only pride I have in possessing. I am so touched by your sincerity in caring for me. I know I can count on you. I am the luckiest girl alive and I certain as hell the world is uber jealous of me getting the priveledge to be with God's greatest gift...

You bring out the best in me. You see the woman in this girl. And I get to know the woman in me thanks to you, baby. You are the sweetest man I had ever met. You have went the extra mile just to make me smile. Your heart is greater than Life itself, Honey....

I just love you, love you, love you. Yes. I am madly into you. I will never let go of you. We have became immortals of Love...

Burn My Riches.

2008-10-11T19:59:00.000+08:00

There is nothing in this world I would not give up for just to be by your side, Honey...

You are the most precious man I have ever met. Your eyes are the world's hidden treasure that only I possess. I love you, my brown eyed baby. They are the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever laid eyes on. I get so lost in your stare. You got me mesmerized by just a glance. The way your eyelashes move as you blink when you look at me is simply heavenly to look at, my dear. Your nose protrudes out of your handsome face, making you even more outstanding. It appears as if it is mocking me to notice you everytime you stand beside me, baby. Your long ears are so cute, just like the 2 dimples tattooed on your face everytime you smile at me. Your lips are so tender and it tempts me to kiss you everytime you look down upon me, resting your nose upon the arc of my nose...

Did I just describe one of God's angel?

Nobody can do me better than you, baby. Your love for me is larger than Life itself. I am wholesome, thanks to you. You complete me. You are the missing piece of my almost whole heart. I am so glad I got hold of you in time before it was too late. And don't you ever try to run away from me, baby. No matter what happens, I don't care what people say. All I want is you in my life and nobody can stop me from loving you. I will be loving you for a long time, baby...

My Sanity Is Not At The Funeral Pyre.

2008-10-10T23:41:00.000+08:00

I hid under my cover creases. Before I knew it, my cheeks got drenched by my tears. I shut my eyes so tight, almost squinting in the utter darkness behind my eyelids. Beautiful memories of what we used to do played in my head. It was as if I was watching a movie on my own...

I miss you more than I did yesterday, baby. My heart is far from numb as it has been disapointed numerous times from not being able to meet yours. My body is aching. It longs to feel yours. No matter the distance, my world will always be a better place because of you, baby...

I just wish you can be my side through thick and thin. Not that you have not been. But, maybe physically. I just wish you can hold me in times I shake with fear. I just wish you can tighten my grip when you see me falling right before your very eyes. I just wish you can take me away from this place. I wanna go somewhere with you where no one knows our names, my precious Love...

Despite having things going so awfully wrong, I still feel blessed. My sanity is not at the funeral pyre thanks to you, sweetheart. You totally kick ass, babe. You rock my world and so do I to yours...

You are everything to me, baby. Nothing can tear our Love apart. Those who have tried, they were simply wasting time. And I am certain in the years to come, they would be feeling ashamed of themselves for attempting to break the great bond between you and I. By then, you and I are on our way to the good life...

The Hope Conspiracy.

2008-10-04T14:02:00.000+08:00

I am too gone to be saved as I have been emotionally drained...

My tears have turned into blood. I tried finding space, new skin for me to cut. My hands have been badly scarred. Each line that has been incarcerated has their own story to tell. I have wasted too much blood. I feel weak now...

There is nothing for me to do but grief. There is no way out. There is no hope. There is no joy. Only sorrow...

I feel as if I have started this path with you by my side. You held my hand tight. But, as the night got darker, you were losing grip. The forest whispered your name. You headed towards those whispered voices. You went without me. I got lost. I grew scared. But, I saw light above the density of confusion. It was far but visible enough for me to determine that it was the only way out. I neared it. But, fuck. I was wrong...

I went to the other side of Hell. I was deceived, as always. So, I turned around, searching for you. But I just can't seem to locate you. My worst fears were coming to life now...

I just wanna get better. I need to. I cannot stay like this forever. I need to get out of this nightmare. Can anybody wake me up? I think I am ready to get up...

Black Rose Dying.

2008-09-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

Have I made a decision to only allow myself be engulfed in utter misery?

My world with you has caved in. This time for real. I have lost everything. I guess it should be time that I admit my defeat. I do not know where is the safest place anymore. I do not know what Happiness feel like anymore. I do not know who has got my back. I do not know who to trust anymore. I just lost a part of me...

I got no idea how I am suppose to feel. What have I done again? I am so messed up right now. I need a way out of this. The disease has infected my brain. I cannot remove it out of my bloodstream. It has crept through me faster than I thought. I am so sick. I am tired. I have withered...

I got my hopes up all the time only to know they will be crushed one by one right before my very eyes. My heart was held high only to know you were going to break it into a million pieces. I was overprotected in your arms only to know that you were intending to crush my bones...

What would it take for me to realize that I can breathe?

P.S: I AM CONFUSED BY YOU. YOU GOT ME GOOD...

Let The Flames.

2008-09-24T15:02:00.001+08:00

I wanna gather each and every one of you in the circle I have made with salt. I will place you within the star so I can achieve my star. I shall pour kerosene all over. Yes. I lie. I am not supposed to do this. And you cannot budge cus you are standing on quick sand. Soon enough, you are sinking. I can see that you are drowning in my pain as you are screaming for Mercy. Nice try. But, not good enough. I light the match and threw it at your face that has been soaked in kerosene...

I cannot trust anyone anymore. Especially the one I once thought could protect me from the demons that exist in my reality. She was everything to me. She was one of the most important people in my life that I really cared about. She was what I thought perfection was all about...Until I got slapped in the face with my eyes closed...

She is just like all the rest. She is no better than the demons in my sleep. She is an animal. She embraces brutality and relishes on hurting me. She is a motherfucker and I truly hate her now...

I realize that I have myself to depend on, besides having the love of my life by my side always. I will show them all what he means to me. I will fight to the end. I will defend. I will prove them all with the scars on me that he is my one and only guardian angel and he is the one that I love with all my heart...

Damn. I love him more than I love them. Much, much more. He is so different than them and that is why I love him. I know I sound ungrateful and what-not. But, I guess that is life. I cannot get the best of both worlds. I have to win some, lose some...

Way Back Into Love.

2008-09-24T04:45:00.000+08:00

If only I knew I was going to be this happy, I would have ran into your arms much more sooner...

I cannot find anybody out here to understand what I am talking about. Nobody can feel the way I feel. But, I do not care. What matters most is how you can speak to my heart. No one is like you, baby. They cannot do me better than you. I am willing to throw everything and everyone out of my life so that I can have more space to build new memories with you, honey...

You whisper in my ear so that only I can hear what you have to say to me. We do not need anyone to hold us down. Give me time, darling. I promise I will take you to a place where no one knows our name. And we will build our lives there. We do not need anyone around us as they only hold us down...

Bleeding Love.

2008-09-21T17:05:00.000+08:00

My eyes are stinging me. I can barely open them. They hurt so much. I wipe my tears off of my cheek, thinking they were just salty water. Little did I know I have began to shed tears of blood...

My soul is in immense pain. I need to get out of this. I keep bleeding everywhere, inside out. This is bad. Really bad. I got no idea how awful things have gotten. I hate everything around me. I cannot trust anyone here at home. They are all putting on masks and behind those masks are God's most damned creations ever known to mankind...

I am so afraid of my baby leaving me. I love him so much and I would never hold it against him if he were to walk away from me as he got every right to. I have caused to much harm to him. I am just a loser. I have to hurt so many people. Why?

I just hope things get better. This is an illness and I need to get out of this...Fast...

Rumors.

2008-09-20T15:37:00.000+08:00

How fucking stupid do you think I am? Hey loser, you do not even know how to cover your tracks when you wanna keep tabs on me? Tsk-tsk...

I motherfucking hate you for the rest of my life. You can bet on this. You think you are portraying your love for me and you are trying to look out for me. Oh, you piece of shit. I cannot stand your hypocrisy and ignorance. You fucking disgust me!!

Who the fuck do you think you are? You are just like all the rest. We may be of the same blood but mine can never run the same as yours, you beast. Do you think that you are very smart? Hey punk wannabe, practise what the fuck you love to preach to my face : Everytime you think you are smart, there is always someone smarter than you...

I cannot stand the sight of you. You are worst than the devil himself. You are similar to the demons in my sleep. I hate you before. I hate you now. I hate you forever. I will make sure I forget your name...

I would love to kick you even though you are lower than the lowest dog!!! But see, I never cus I am not as pathetic as you. Start kissing my ring, you motherfucker. It is my time to shine now...

Whole Again.

2008-09-19T15:57:00.000+08:00

I have metamorphosized into a beautiful young woman. I have a beating heart in me. I have the ability to breathe again...

I am all that I am today thanks to you, baby. You are truly god sent. I can be myself and only you can see that in me. You believe in me. This is one of the thousands of reasons as to why I love you with all my heart...

You bring out the best in me. I see myself the way you see me. You back me up everytime I was about to fall. You tighten your grip on me as you think I am going to slip. You went the extra mile just to capture my golden smile. You gave me wings and I began to fly, my Love...

I really do not give a fuck to what anyone has to say bout you and I when they do not know shit bout us. They love to play God and judge us. How disgusting!

All I know is you are one in a trillion and you are the most precious and special thing in my life. I have so much pride in owning you and being owned by you. Thank you for loving me, baby...

Supernatural.

2008-09-16T15:01:00.000+08:00

There is no one like you even though there is a cliched saying of everybody is just the same...

You are the best thing in my life. I never knew that I was going to love you to this extent. But, I am. And I love this. You are just so perfect for me. Wow. You can take my breath away by just glimpse of beautiful you, baby...

I never felt this way before. Everytime you kiss me, you got me hypnotized. Everythim you hug me, you got me mesmerized. Everytime you stare into my eyes, you got me...

You are so wonderful and outstanding. I really do not know what I have done to earn you. You love me so much and I love you the way you are. I can spend a whole lifetime literally saying just how much we love each other. We are so high and we rock the world, baby!

Ever since we got together, nothing became impossible. I managed to do things I thought I could not do. I became so powerful and I became unstoppable. Thank you...

Thank you for everything that you have done for me, sweetheart. I love you so much. We will always be as one. Nobody can come between you and I. MWAH!!!

You Eclipsed By Me.

2008-09-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

What would it take for you to see just how bloody stupid you look right now?

I have no idea what the fuck you are trying to prove nor achieve. You are so overtly pathetic and I fucking hate you so much. You got the guts to be tearful bout this when it had been you all along to burn yourself as you play this game of fire. You dumb bitch...

Which part of leaving me alone do you not get? Which part of fucking out of my face do you not understand? You gormless piece of shit. Sight of you disgusts me. You irksome human being. Are you even one in the first place?

Stop forcing things that you want down my fucking throat before I take them and stuff it up your ass. Hey, if you are not happy with me, tell it to my fucking face. Or you can shove it up your asshole. I am sure it is big enough for you to stuff a lifetime's worth of agony...

You are such a monster. I will always hate you. So you need not worry much. The only change that will happen is that I will continue to hate you more and more as days pass me by. You whore...

I will never let go of him. So you better live with it. I will always love him. So you better start a new phase. I will always be fighting for him. So you better dig your own grave...

Pieces That Made Eden.

2008-09-14T20:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes Life moves so fast till I tend to forget the best thing I have in life and that I am still alive. Times like these remind me to take a step back, or a few to admire the beauty of this masterpiece God has painted of you...

Nothing can be greater than the comfort of your embrace. Nothing can be compared to your love for me. Nothing can be better than being kissed by you. Nothing can be equivalent to warmth of your touch. Nothing can beat you, baby...

I just cannot be without you. I am far more than addicted to you. It is so evident that I have become obsessed with you. Maybe you have hypnotized me with that one kiss that everyone waits a lifetime for. And I got you. All for myself forever....

Whenever you cannot be near, I always think about the precious sweet moments that we have shared. I can never forget the littlest things that you have done for me. They are just oh-so cute and lovely. Just like you, my darling. I keep the tiny pieces of your beautiful yesterdays and I hold onto them till I get to see you again. And when I do, I will place them safely at the back of my mind. For I need to build more space in my head for new and sweeter memories with you. This will never end. It is just like a cycle and it is inevitable...

Fragments of our memories keep me from falling apart. They are one of the many reasons as to why I just cannot get you out of my head even for a split second. I am so hooked onto you. You are my drug. I love being intoxicated by you, baby....

There were the rainy days. But, I always know that before my pretty rainbow can appear, it needs to rain beforehand. I guess, this can reasonably explain why we need bitter times to isolate and clearly distinguish our precious moments that we hold on to dearly...

Just know that I will always love you till the end of time. I am made for you and you are made for me. As cliched as it sounds, I need you and I want you always no matter what. Nothing can lead me astray or tear me apart from you. You are my one and only. Mwah...

God Sent.

2008-09-04T16:34:00.000+08:00

Life always has its own mysterious ways to fuck things up for you and I...

Yet no matter how sticky the situation I may be in, you are always around me. Backing me up, without a doubt. Nothing is greater than the comfort of your warm embrace everytime when I am afraid of things that I know or I feel filthy of my being...

The radiance that I can see upon your face tells me that you are more than a man. The brilliance that I can feel deep in my heart bout you reveals to me that you are more than a star. The existence of your being ensures me the fact that I know you are my guardian angel...

No matter what happens, I will fight and defend for you. Even if that means to add more scars on myself. I do not care what people have to say. They do not know a thing about you. Whatever I am today, I do not deserve the glory of owning them. I owe it all to you. Yes. Only you, my sweetest Love from above...

It is just utterly depressing that people cannot see the beauty that I can see in you. Then again, I will not be as special as I am today for you if that were to happen. For better or worst, I will love you with every beat of my heart. You are the only truth that I have ever known...

Do not only take my breath away; take me away as well from this Hell and to our secret. I will never let go of you. You are safely locked in my heart. I gave you my hand and you took it. From that moment, I began to live...

It is always such a wonder how you can make me smile genuinely again. How you can make me laugh over the silliest things. How you can move me and touch me till tears well up in my eyes for you are far too beautiful to be described by words...

You are the reason I believe in Love. You are the answer for my prayers. We do not need anyone else, but us. My dreams came true and it is because of you, my dear one. Nothing can shake me. Nothing can break me. I will give my all just to be with you. I will go to the end of the world to carve a smile on your lips, baby...

I love you...

I am sure the world is jealous of me right now for owning God's most precious gift. You are the only pride I have in owning. I care alot bout you. And I want to be with you for a whole lifetime. I will make sure that happens...

Laments To An Invinsible God.

2008-09-02T17:34:00.000+08:00

Please give me all the strength to pull thru...

I really need all the might within myself to make it thru the fall. I am once again trapped in this place I dare not call Home. I have nobody to turn to. Literally. I have to face this one on my own. I do not know how things could have gone so wrong to this extreme extent...

I am staring at Fear in my own eyes as I look into the mirror. I am embracing Agony as I hold onto myself. I am engulfing Sorrow as I breathe...

I have no idea how to be strong. I have no idea how to make things better. All I can do is sit at the edge of my bed, waiting for the death of Today..

P.S: SOMEBODY PLEASE RESCUE ME. I AM FADING AWAY...

Penholder.

2008-08-30T21:03:00.000+08:00

Life finally has a whole new meaning to it. Happiness found it way and caught me. Not by surprise, thankfully. It has been such a long while since it hid...

I dare to stand up and face the world. I am done healing. I can fly. I can run. I have broken free of me. I am alive. Still alive. But I cannot take glory for this. I would only show what he did, but I would never take the credit...

Now that I got my soul back into my body, I will take good care of it. Enough of living in the shadows. It is time to part the thick nylon curtains now. Let the sun in. The brightness is not as piercing afterall....

Faces.

2008-08-25T17:22:00.001+08:00

So you think you are doing something worthwhile in your life?

I got no fucking idea who gave you the idea that you are holy and you are close to God. Deep down inside, I know He himself cannot wait to watch you rot in Hell. That is the only place you deserve to be.

You are so self-centered. You think everything that you do is right. You never apologize for your stupid mistakes. Your ego is way on top of your conscience. You keep adding fuel to the fire. You make nothing seems like an apocalypse. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I am so disgusted to be near you. You twisted wicked witch. You are so mother fucking ugly even without the facade and role you try to play. Tsk-tsk. I am way ahead of you, bitch.

Gawd. I try my hardest to love you. But trying to even like you is just impossible. And you made it like this. Stupid stupid stupid. What was God thinking when He created you? Perhaps a toy for the Devil to pounce on....

Circle of Life.

2008-08-23T23:24:00.001+08:00

I stared at the girl in the mirror. She looked so ugly. I barely recognized her. Who was she?

I looked into her eyes. They were red. Blood shot red. They seemed as though they have been crying for centuries. I could see her cheekbones and literally no flesh could be tugged on her her petite face. She was so disgusting. I irked at the sight. I almost puked. Her mouth was torn. Cuts were all over her face. Perhaps due to abuse or self-mutilation. I was not sure myself....

I thought about her. I could not get her out of my mind. She lived in my dreams. She lived in my pain. My sorrow. My anger. My what nots...

I am trying so very hard to be strong. Yet, it just appears that being miserable seems hell lot easier than to be glad bout Life. I have to fight my own demons. The demons in my dreams come to Life constantly. When will they perish?

Absence either makes the heart grow fonder. That is what I hear. Yet, I think otherwise. It can make the tiny confused heart wither. Why not? It is just so hard to move on in Life without a whole heart. I pick the fragments of my shattered Happyness and hold onto it for the whole of eternity. Yet, for just one second I felt whole...

I miss the way I smile genuinely. I miss the way I laugh heartily. I miss the way I skip merily. I miss the way I jump joyfully. I miss me...

Tattooed.

2008-08-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

I think you should know that you will always be in my heart. Oh, how I wish you can see this, my dear...

I will not miss you for you are not even gone for a minute. All I gotta do is close my eyes. And I see you. I see you being happy with me. I see you being healthy right before me. I see you, baby. I can. As painful as this sounds, I have comfort in knowing that you are in a better place by now. Without me. Without me taking care of you. Without me feeding you. Without me protecting you. Without me bothering about you. Without me playing with you. Without me looking out for you...

I just wanna take back those misspent days. And I wish I can take back those painful words I have said. I wanna hold you again. I thought I can end your pain. All I need is I one last minute, to look at you in the eye and say just how much I love you and that having you is the best thing that has ever occurred to me...

I am sorry for all the pain I caused. I am sorry the apology cannot be better, I am sorry that I did not do my part in healing you. I am sorry...

Just know that I will always love you. And no matter where you are, you will always be a part of me. My heart belongs to you, my little darling. Please take care of yourself, now that I can no longer be there with you...

P.S: IF THERE WAS A GOD, WHY HAS HE LET YOU DIE?

Reflections.

2008-08-04T13:38:00.000+08:00

I looked down beloew despite the warnings not to. I saw. The love I had for him fell from the Heavens and crashed to the ground. I saw the fragments of my broken tiny heart. Each of those bloody pieces had memories stuck in them. I saw you smiling. I saw you laughing. I saw you being happy. I saw you caring. I saw you helping. I saw you loving. I saw you...

Soon enough, it began to rain. The sharp droplets tried to wash the jagged bloodied pieces of my heart. Instead, it cracked them even further. And again, I saw....

I saw you crying. I saw you cursing. I saw you lying. I saw you bleeding. I saw you disappointed. I saw you fading....

I miss you. I miss the way things used to be. It is so different now. Colors fade to grey. All becoming to tunnel vision. Obesssion gets in the way in loving someone. I regret. I repent. I am sorry for the things I have done. I want you back the way you used to be. Life abandons me the way Happiness had done long ago...

I have no joy. I feel nothing. Everything seems to be in a distant, especially you. I had went to the end of the line trying to make you happy. But, I guess I fail. Just like the way I fail to breathe...

So many lies swirled around me. I can breathe today. I hope, at least...

I do not know what to do anymore. I cannot trust you. I cannot believe in anyone else. I am my own nemesis against my own soul. I hate what I have done. I just wish the clock can turn around so that I can make my amendments....

I am sorry to have let you down. But, it is not like that now...It is time I will never let you go....

Truth of Your Deception.

2008-07-31T23:00:00.000+08:00

I am literally on the verge of utter chaos and suicide...

I need to get out of this sticky mess that I had gotten into. No pun intended on that word "sticky". I hate my life so much. I hate everyone around me. I hate them hate them hate them!!!

The worst part of it all is that no one can help me. The only joy I once knew had ditched me. The only true meaning of Life abandoned me. I am naked once again. Falling down since the day I have seen the white light from the doctor's room. I have been down for so long...

I have jumped from the tallest infrastructure ever. There is no landing at all. I have fallen over and over. But, I still get to pick myself up. This time, it just HAD to be different...

I do not trust them a single bit. They backstabbed me. Pussies. Words of wisdom came out of their mouths, but they could never comprehend what they meant. Love...What is love?

I know no love. I feel no exuberance. I see no light. I recognize death. I am so weak. Even though it has been such a long time, I am still picking up the remains of my shattered hopes and dreams. Damn. There are a whole lot more to go...

Hazardous.

2008-07-25T09:21:00.000+08:00

A wave of nausea runs through my veins. Once again, I am all over the place. Nothing is the same everyday. It is clear to me that I can never trust anyone else. Even me. Apparently, I am my own enemy. I am so disgusted by my own being...

I hate everything around me. The people I look up to just appear as mean as the demons in my sleep. I am not me at all. I do not know who to turn to right now. I am certain as hell I only got my soul to get my through the fucking day....

You are never there when I needed you most. You are never there when I needed someone to talk to. You can never be there when I needed someone to hold onto. You shrug me off, like the piling dust on your shoulder. You treat me like shit. You are no better than the rest of them. In fact, you are just like them...

I really hate to stereotype you. But, you simply hurt me every single time I need to hear me. You put words in my mouth. You intentionally have to blatantly accuse me. You just have to make me cry. You put me through so many emotions...

Perhaps it is the knowledge of knowing that I can never be apart from you. You seem to be relishing on that fact and hence, taking maximum advantage of the fucking situation. You are so pathetic without me. Your ego is way bigger than your love for me....

Everywhere I go, my problems seem to stick with me. They keep coming back for more. Why me? Why? Why? Why?

You are supposed to make things better. Make me better at least. I need a cure for this disease. I hate what I am going through right now. It is so painful. I am on the verge of destruction. Maybe suicidal is not so bad after all...

Love Me Or Hate Me.

2008-07-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

No. You do not mother fucking love me....

Everyone knows that. Why can't you see you live to bring me down? You got nothing better to do beside making me miserable? You are worthless. I will never care nor bother bout you any longer....

Oh, how I wish you just die right now. You are the worst creature ever made. God must have been drunk when he did you. You put the blame all to Him. You brought injustice upon yourself. Spare a moment. Think, you stupid bitch. Think...

It is not bout religion. It is not bout God. It is not bout faith. It is not bout love. It is not bout trust. It is not bout hate. It is all bout logic, which you lack off by far apparently...

I hate you so much. The hatred is so immense. I cannot explain it. I really do not wish to be this way to you. But, you have left me with no choice. And when I have the bloody pitchfork in my hands, then you know who is God...

Demonology.

2008-07-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

I am not me...

I am utterly engulfed by confusion. Paranoia messes my head. My mind is going hazy. Everything seems to be in a blur. I never thought Life could be such a bitch. I suppose it is just living up to its renowned reputation...

All the things I hate revolve around me. The more I hide, the harder it gets to breathe. I am suffocating under words of sorrow. I hate my life right now. I want to die...

I am trying so very hard to be strong for me. I am fighting with the thousand and one thoughts that keep contradicting one another at the back of my mind. I am so weak. I am withered. Life has wasted me. Temptations to hold onto the razor by my veins are so tough to fight. I cannot fend it off. Day and night, I see myself dying. In various sadistic methods....

You are the reason why I am like this. I do not intend to stay this way forever. Can anybody out there help me out?

My wounds can never heal in time. My voice is gone. My hope is crushed. My dreams lie to me. I cannot trust myself anymore. I have no one to cure this plague that I have within me. It is killing me...

I feel like I have betrayed myself. I have let myself down. I am a failure to me. I am hopeless. A goner for the soul within me. Though they may have my soul, they can never have my spirit...

I can never look at them the same anymore. They are twisted. God's damned creations are living with me. I am stuck with them. But, for now....

P.S: I HATE YOU.

Demolition Lovers.

2008-07-10T13:52:00.001+08:00

The day that the world has been waiting has finally touched our lives...

Reality came onto me. It was bitter. It was cold. Biting cold. I refused to believe what was going on. It was as if my fears were taking their tolls on me. Alas. Perhaps it was time to brace myself. That was the only way I could notice your face...

Family. The only word that confuses me. It sounds so delirious. Frightening. Depressing. Dolorous. And all of the negative words that any human being can think of to describe that brutal word...

You guys are a bunch of jokes. Too bad I cannot stay long to laugh at you..

You Are My Beautiful Mistake.

2008-07-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

I really want to end it once and for all. But, there is just something, a certain something, that is pulling me back....

Is it the beautiful memories that we have made along the way? Or is it the amzing moments we have spent together? Or is it due to fear of losing you and what life would be from then on?

How did we come to this? Things have gotten so ugly now. I refuse to believe reality. It appears that the sun has decided to abandon me. It seems like the moon does not want to my friend. It looks like the stars have ditched me...

I find myself like a fool. Utterly confused. Uncertain of my steps, leading me to nowhere. I am actually starting to regret being with you. Wow. I am extremely shocked. I am asphyxiating under sorrow. God...

I really love you. Please do not do this to me. I want to be with you. Do not provoke me. I really want to take care of you and grow old with you, my love. Please say you will do the same for me.

Better In Time.

2008-06-26T21:38:00.000+08:00

Lies swirled around me. Almost in obvious attempt to asphyxiate me. Purposely. My view blurred. Thousand and one thoughts contradicted each other in my cloudy head. I tried to breathe. But, there was no air. My lungs dried. My heart stopped beating. I grew still...

I am so depressed now. Why do you keep pushing your finger in my opened wounds? Isn't it clear enough to you that my wounds are too sore to heal now? My scars can never fade even with the matter of time...

I cannot believe the man I truly love have to hurt me to this extent. I thought you can be the one for me. I thought you can be there for me. I thought you can take good care of me. I thought you can guide me. And I thought you can love me )':

I am completely engulfed by your attitude. Your immense wrath. Your intense tension. You are everything that I fear. You are such a nightmare!

I do not want to be with you anymore. I feel more hurt when I am with you then when I am not. I feel worst of my being whenever you are around me.

Being headstrong has it falls. I tried my best to stick with you. I tried my best to forgive you. But, you repeat your wrongdoings in just overnight, babe. This cannot carry on. I am just a small girl trying to choose my path but you just have to mess me up. All the mother fucking time. I feel so stupid right now.

I bully myself more than you do to me. I kill myself whenever you hurt me. I feel stupid when you scold me. I feel so lousy. Gawd. Why must things go so awry?!!!

I am oh so confused right now. I do not know what to do. I am ever ready to pack my bag and walk out through that door where I know my days have the sunshine and my nights have the stars. Love is never suppose to hurt. I am not meant to bleed for you. I am not to fall at all. However, there is just something holding me back from doing so....

Is it cus I love you way too much than you ever do for me? )':
Is there anybody out there who can save me?

Different.

2008-06-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

It is obvious now that everyone, no matter how dear my heart held them close, they still hurt me...

It is absolutely unbelievable that you hurt me so much. Over and over again. I do not understand what I had done to deserve this hell that you are putting me through. I cannot trust you anymore. I had just lost faith in myself...

I thought you said you love me so much. Then if so, can you stop breaking my heart by being so cold and awfully mean to me? I thought you said you care alot for me. Then if so, can you please end the misery that you are putting me through? I thought you said you will always be there for me. Then if so, can you start being the man that I love initally?

You are extremely childish. I am baffeled by the kid in you. You always allow your heart to rule your head. Please end this shit...

You just have to do this to me...

Perfect.

2008-06-24T10:17:00.000+08:00

You have been so wonderful recently. And I truly hope you can keep it up, my beloved one. You are the most precious thing I ever owned. I will treasure you till the end of time...

I love you so much. I cannot explain it any longer. The love I have for you is immense. It is too deep; beyond description. I am so amazed by your transition. It is radical, baby. Wow. I am like whoa...

You finally listened to me. You finally stopped being harsh. You finally stopped hurting me. You finally stopped doing things I hate. You are now officially flawless !

Killer.

2008-06-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

I could not recognize those cold words coming out of your mouth. Each time you try to convince me that it will all be okay once I give it in to you, I know that you are not the man I have loved...

I do not know why you are treating me like dirt. I am truly baffled that this is you. I just realize for real that you do not respect nor care for me the way you said you would. Why must you back down? Why can't you be a man and look at me in the eye and say that you don't like what we have done?

I thought I have done enough for you. But, apparently enough is never enough for you, my dear. I am so afraid of you now. I am wondering if this is all a big mistake ):

I never knew loving you can have so much complications. I never want to hate you. Please stop making me hate you. I really do not want to. But, you just keep asking. I feel so hurt doing this. I am still pondering what it is that is holding me back from leaving you...

Let me love you. Please. Do not give in to your lustful desires. Be strong like you said you would...

Fear Itself.

2008-06-16T13:58:00.000+08:00

I love you...

Those 3 words have been coming out of my mouth. But hey, I do not mind a single bit. Cus, I truly love you, babe. You are just the best thing in my life. You are my everything. And dang, I can tell that you really mean it when you say that I am your all as well...

You are just so perfect. I am so fucking lucky to have you as my own, hon. You just sooo sweet. And heck, I think I am diabetic from your sweet kisses. Haha, I just sound so cliched. Fuck...

Anyways, I just wanna post it here that I truly, madly, deeply love you...

Do You Believe In God?

2008-06-14T18:22:00.000+08:00

Find me a God that is worth praying to...

Talking bout how shitty my life is sounds rather selfish. Well, fine then. I see people suffering in this world. I see kids dying out of starvation. These fragile ones are sold all over the world as sex slaves. Even the Earth is suffocating on our attempt of being successful creatures alive in it. The ocean critters die. Beaches are nevertheless clean. And I think I can just go on non-stop bout how bad life is on Earth right now...

Where is God when He is supposed to be looking out for us? Where is The Only One when we are suffering here on earth? Where is God when I needed him most?

Then again, it is always oh so easy for me and anyone else to blame Him for everything that had went wrong in our lives. People. Tsk-tsk. Of all animals, Man are the most cruel. They even inflict pain on themselves and actually relishing on it...

I did all that I could to be a good child. But, this is never good enough for that stupid whore. She forces me to do things her way. She never bother to spare a caring thought for my feelings. She breathes to bring me down. She lives to discriminate me. Who the fuck does she think she is? She is just another human being. Like me...

She makes me hate her so fucking much. I never wanted things to be this way. But, she chose to act like this. What am I to do? Seems like I can never live up to any of her mother fucking dumb expectations, if there even existed one in the darn place...

I just wanna kill her. Again. And again. Why must she be my kin?

I have so much anger and hatred within me. Why? I hate this feeling. I feel so demented. I sound so diabolical. Am I sick inside? I hope not. Well, I do not know. I want to end this fucked phase of being a teenager. However, she puts the blame on me all the fucking time. She does alot of awful things, and she blames me for everything...

She is just insane. And I truly hate her. She abuses her authority of being a mother. She went too far. This is the last straw. And hey, just so you know, I never liked you too!!! I will never respect you nor care bout you. You can just mother fucking rot in my elite face and I can still hum my favorite song...

Death of a Star.

2008-06-13T19:16:00.000+08:00

I closed my eyes for a while. I tried to relax. Unfortunately, premonition hit me. Hard. I wanted to open my eyes immediately. But, it held me back. I tried hard to fight my worst fears. Life seemed to be taking its toll on me...

I lost you. You slipped through my fingers and you were gone with a blink of an eye. It all took place too quick. i was not sure of the cause of it all. But, it did happen. I felt the burn. I felt the tear. I felt the sorrow. I felt the agony. Everything came tumbling down on me. Our world crashed fast. What was happening?

I missed you already, baby. Knife cut my heart opened. As if you were holding it. It was if you do not want to remember my name anymore. I got scared. I felt lost. I was choking on tears that were welling up in my eyes. I was losing control. I grabbed the knife. I plunged into my lungs. I removed the knife. God. I was bleeding profusely. I was on the verge of destruction. I held the knife tightly. I began hurting me. I cut my hands. Soon enough, I found myself sawing my hand off. I lost control...

All of a sudden, you came near. For real. You placed a caring hand on my back. I woke up in a split second. I was crying. My tears dripped to my mouth. I thought the salt tasted as dry as my blood. I threw myself in your arms. You were not gone afterall...

P.S. I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS. PLEASE DO NOT EVER GO AWAY. EVEN FOR A SECOND...

Through Struggle.

2008-06-13T15:37:00.001+08:00

You never fail to amaze me more and more as time passes us by. We grow old faster than imagined. You converted me into a young woman. I admire your gift. You are so talented in making me love you deeper and deeper as we fade into reality. Even with all the troubles and lies that swirl endlessly around us, we are still holding onto one another. You stand and shine in utter brilliance. You look so charming and majestic as you look down upon me, wanting to kiss my head. You are just so beautiful; so impeccable, even with all of your minor flaws...

Did I just describe a fictitious character out of a make-believe fairy tale?

I love you. I do not care how hard it may be just to be with you. The pain of waiting is all worth it. You are worth my entire life of waiting, my dear. You are as precious as diamonds and pearls. I treasure you alot. I care bout you more than I do for myself...

You are such a sweetheart. You are so good to me. You are the man of my dreams. You are my everything. Promise me one thing: Love me for as long as you live.

Through The Monsoon.

2008-06-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

It is alright if we were to argue over the silliest things. I fancy that much more than having us bickering bout you cheating on me and fuckish things like that, baby...

I love you so much. I care alot bout you. I had never been like this. You complete me. I am whole again. And it is all because of you, my dear. So what if we fight? I still love you the same way I first lay my eyes on you years ago, baby. You are just the best for me. Just stay the same, alright? I will never ask for more from you, sweetheart...

Though you are not my first, you shall be my last. I will never leave you and break us up. That will be the stupidest thing ever to do. Thank you for being the best, baby boi. You are always so sweet and kind to me. Dang. Why are you so perfect?

Kisses.

More Than Words.

2008-06-11T17:29:00.000+08:00

I am truly baffled by the fact that I love you so much. I never thought that you are going to be the only one for me at the end of the line. All these while I have been searching in utter darkness when I have you standing right before me over the years. Thankfully, I acted fast to grab hold of you before you are too far gone. And now, I got you. Wrapped around my finger...

Remember the promises I made about loving you forver. Remember the words carved on my lips when I said I will be there for you always. Remember the times I vowed to be your only one. Remember the moments I held your face in my hands, looked at you deeply in your eyes, stared right through the angel within your soul and confessed," I love you"...

Those are not mere words, my Love.

I will wait for you no matter how long it takes, just to hold you in my arms. I will fight against Time for you no matter how much pain it will cost me, just to kiss your tender lips again. I love you with all my heart. Nothing can tear us apart. Nobody can bring us down...

I have dreams. In my dreams, I see places for only you and I. We live in a very secluded yet, blissful place. No one knows who we are. No one recognizes us. No one is there but just us. We dance in the rain. We make love in the open fields. We kiss under the merry sun. Life is so beautiful, especially you, my dear...

Gosh. I can never get enough of you. I find myself coming back for more of you. You are so addictive. I need you by my side. You are my saviour. My Guardian. My everything...

Shadows Are Security.

2008-06-10T22:42:00.001+08:00

I cannot love them anymore. I cannot respect them anymore. I cannot be kind to them anymore. I cannot be understanding to them anymore. I cannot care about them anymore. I cannot help them anymore. I cannot trust them anymore. I cannot look at them the same anymore. I cannot think about them anymore. I cannot talk to them anymore. I cannot be around them anymore...

They sucked the air out of me. They drained my blood. They vaccummed my soul. They ate me. They skinned my heart. They sliced my eyes. They cut me open...

I never had this much hatred in me. I never felt so depressed. I never felt this betrayed. I never felt this hurt. I never felt this much pain. I never felt this much sorrow. But, I do now. Why can't they be normal, like every other family I know?

There is so much strain and tension here at home. I hate seeing them. I hate hearing their voices. I hate listening to them. I hate being pushed around, like some holla back girl. Fucking hell. They are worthless to me. They must die...

Vagued Memories.

2008-06-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

It is clear to me that I need to stand on my own 2 feet and fight for my right to survive...

You are truly good-for-nothing. Imbecile. You plague me day and night with your stupidity. You darken my mood always. You are so cruel. Your words are always so cold. You refuse to see the world through my eyes. You live by your assumptions. You force people around you to believe the shit that you believe. Fool.

You stuff religion down my throat. You choke me with lies. You suffocated me with false hopes. You drown me in your world. But, those days are long gone, bucko. I will never come for your funeral. I have sowed discord with you long ago. I mother fucking hate you. Things are never supposed to be like this. But, your efforts of perfecting me spoilt. You had created your worst nightmare, God's damned creation; Me...

I have tried my best to be nice. I played my part to respect you. But, dream on by now for me to do so. I just hate you so much. I loathe you. I detest you. ALOT. Motherfuckers. Why must all of you be this way to me? Who the fuck do you think you are?