Try.

Reality checks in and I feel like someone just slapped my face without me noticing it. Fine. I sound extra dramatic here. But I can't help it and I'm consumed by paranoia ):

So he has to go. For a long time. Not very long, but long enough for me to go insane and brood bout it for days till I get to see him again. This won't be happening soon. But it still will be taking place. I guess I gotta prepare myself mentally that he has to go for a good reason. Well for a mother fucking pathetic one actually.

Fuck patriotism. It is taking him away from me. I know that even if he were here, it is not as if we see each other alot as well. Fuck parenthood and bla-bla ): But the though of him being so faraway from me is driving me up against the wall. What if this and what if that are flooding my mind. It won't be long till I'd go berserk...

It is a matter of trust. I do trust him. Fuck lots of faith in him have been invested. I know I won't be let down but the feeling of fear...Fear. Fear is always in the mind. And the mind is the most powerful tool in the universe. This sucks. To get over my fear is to face it. And with cowardice engulfing me, I think I'm gonna have a hard time to overcome it. I guess I just have to try...