The Forest Whispers My Name.

I close my eyes. Tears start to fall. There are so many things to cry about...

The world can be so cruel and cold, especially when I am all alone. It is worst than December winter nights. I stare at the path I have chosen. I used to think that at least there would be moonlight. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing. The trees surround me, overprotecting me. The night is starless and moonless. As usual. The ground just cannot wait to take me in. What's new?

A voice in my head tells me that I have lost you long ago. You just slip through my fingers like air. I watched you go without even realizing. You took my heart the other time and now, you took the very best of me with you too. I can't believe this is actually happening to me. It seems like I can't reach out to you anymore. Where have we gone wrong again? What have I done now? What's the matter again? Why won't you near me like before? Why can't you be gentle like the wind on my skin now? Why won't you listen to me like you used to? Why must there be so much uncertainties? Why must such insecurities and misery even exist in the first place?

I can't find a place in this world. Family is like vultures, attempting to prey on me with each move I make. Stab behind my back like I killed Halloween. Tear my heart out like a pack of wolves. Rip my skin like there is no more dinner tonight. Crush my hopes and dreams like they crush my skull in their endless beatings. Yet, I expected to be strong...

I am expected to do a lot of things that is simply impossible and unrationale for a sane human to do. I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to make the right choices. I am supposed to give in. I am supposed to bow down to you. I am supposed to let you take advantage of me again. I am supposed to let you hit me anytime you wish. I am supposed to breathe just so you can have another day to make me cry till I bleed. I am supposed to be reasonable. I am supposed not to worry. I am supposed not to have any insecurities. I am supposed not to leave you. I am supposed not to be astray. I am supposed not to be me...

Even though it is not my fault, I am blamed. Even though it is not the words that came out of my mouth, I am penalized for life over it. Even though it is not what I meant, I am sodomized for it...

Why can't I just stop breathing? Why can't I just run away? Why can't I smile like I mean it? Why can't I stop pretending? Why can't I be strong? Why can't I be alive? Why can't I just bleed to death? Why can't I stop bleeding? Why can't I stop contradicting myself? Why can't I stop being confused? Why can't I just die in front of you?

What would you do if I slit my throat and take the secrets I kept to my grave? What would you do if I slit my wrists and take the poison that has been endlessly flowing in my system to the ground? What would you do if you know? What would you do?

Nobody gives a damn about me. Nobody ever cares about me. Everybody takes advantage of me. I am sick and tired of always feeling depressed. I just want to be normal. Somehow my wish seems out of this world. I just want to be happy too. I just want to be carefree, just like you. I just want to be cheered up, just like you. I just want you to love me, just like you. I just want to know that I got you in my life, now till the end time. I just want to know that you will never walk away with my heart again. I just want to know that you will never do me wrong again. I just want to know the truth behind your burning passion and desire for me. I just want to know if this will be all worthwhile between us. I just want to know what I don't...

You know that deep in your heart, I love you. Too much. There is nothing I would never do for you. Just name it and you got it. All I want in return is endless love for me, that will never have to make me cry and beg over it. Listen to me and be good to me. Yet, it seems to be hardest to get apparently. And I can't quite place my finger on this. You used to be...Impeccable. I felt no pain. I felt no sorrow. I felt no burden. I felt no regrets...

A part of me still believe we can work it out. I love you and you love me. Now and till the end of time. Nothing can come in our way ever again. There is nothing we have not gone through. We made it through it all before. So why not now?

P.S: I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN WITH YOU );