I Can Do Better.

I wanna go to a place where no one knows my name. I wanna build my life with him there. I wanna live again with him...

Love will be more than our name. Perfection lies within he and I. He knows ways to make me breathe painlessly once again. It is so easy how he seems to make living fun. But I'm dead within myself...

I know you need darkness to see make the light shine brightest. But it is not simple to endure darkness all day long. How does he do it? Can I do it too? At the end of the world, I won't be coming home. But could I? And should I? I do not know what else to do besides running away...

I sound so dumb. Silly. Stupid. Lost. Confused. But hey there are far too many roads to mislead me. I tried to grab whatever I need, but it seems to kill me indirectly. I long to know how a heartbeat feels like...

Anything But Me.

I don't wanna see the sun anymore. I don't wanna see the sky anymore. I am tired of living. Every waking moment is torturing my lungs. I am suffocating on pretense. I can't take all of this fuck at one shot. My body is aching. My mind hurts like fuck...

Why oh why do I always find my face among the ashes? I wonder what the fuck has happened to me? I wasn't like this before. I hate my life and especially them...

I am not satisfied with where I am in life. Am I supposed to be happy? I remembered times I knew how to smile. But not anymore. Those times have gone in the wind and faded among the atmosphere. My sorrow is all that I have left. I'm bruised...

I wanna hurt both of you. But it hurts me to hurt them good. WHY?!! Is it conscience or fear? Fucking dilemma. Fuck God. Fuck Him for giving us emotions. Emotions rule over us all the mother fucking time. He led his fucking heart over rule his control. He used the fact he lost control over me as a reason. Hey cheesedick, that is a fucking excuse...

Can somebody help me? I am fighting hard internally from slitting my throat and and my wrists. I want to watch my life drain out of me as it has always been every fucking day. Why am I so twisted?

I could have sworn I was the happiest shit on Earth. But that was long gone...

I love my 2nd sister and her hub. These two are the best thing in my fucking pathetic life, besides my love of course. I love them three the most. I'd die for them...Sounds like I could die for anyone now. What have I become?...Then there are people like Cass, Roxanne, Cheryl, Shameer and more whom I know really care for me.

Things were not supposed to be this way!!! Why did we even have to walk on this path that we are walking? Is it ever too late to turn and run away? Is it ever too late to live again? I'm losing too much blood day after day. I'm going insane...

Somebody help me...Please :'(