I thought she loved me. I thought she was the best thing in my life, besides him...
She is never there when I am scared. She is never there to give a helping hand. She is never there when I am lonely.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Breathe Today.
I loaded my gun. It felt heavy. Bullets were set and ready for fire. I mustered courage for one last time. I kicked the door opened. There they were...Sleeping...Dreaming...Motionless...Full of life in every breath they took...
I could not stand the sight of them being alive anymore. I pointed my gun to their heads. I pulled my trigger. I shot them one by one. I watched their lives drain out, accompanied by their blood. I had a grin plastered on my face. Satisfaction consumed me. I smiled...
Can anybody stop me before I kill again, maybe tonight?
God..What am I now? I don't recognize myself anymore. I dream more than often, only that they get wilder and wilder. I am startled by clarity. It all seemed so real. I am scared of myself. I am no longer aware of reality. I do not know the meaning of violence. Well, I didn't know initially. But now, it appears like I am God and I have lives in my hands today...
They may have bruised me. They may have broke me. They may have drained me. They may have whacked me. They may have tortured me. They may have raped me. But they still failed to kill me...
My bones are bent but not broken. They try smashing my heart with hurtful words, but it won't break. My eyes are dried but not gone; I am still alert in knowing what kind of creatures they are. My hands are running out of blood but I am still alive. Breathing is difficult for me, but at least I can still breathe.
I do not need them. Worthless monsters. I hate all of you!!
Right now, I have known who the fuck they are. I know the truth now. I know what they are now. I know Happiness now...
I still have him...He cares for me more than anyone else. More than I do for myself. He has so much love in him and I have so much to give to him...
Although he is never near me, I can feel him all around me. I love this feeling. I will hold onto what I'm feeling forever. I had never feel so alive in my life. He saved me. He really did. I give my hand to him. He can take it now. He can start to own me all that I am...
I could not stand the sight of them being alive anymore. I pointed my gun to their heads. I pulled my trigger. I shot them one by one. I watched their lives drain out, accompanied by their blood. I had a grin plastered on my face. Satisfaction consumed me. I smiled...
Can anybody stop me before I kill again, maybe tonight?
God..What am I now? I don't recognize myself anymore. I dream more than often, only that they get wilder and wilder. I am startled by clarity. It all seemed so real. I am scared of myself. I am no longer aware of reality. I do not know the meaning of violence. Well, I didn't know initially. But now, it appears like I am God and I have lives in my hands today...
They may have bruised me. They may have broke me. They may have drained me. They may have whacked me. They may have tortured me. They may have raped me. But they still failed to kill me...
My bones are bent but not broken. They try smashing my heart with hurtful words, but it won't break. My eyes are dried but not gone; I am still alert in knowing what kind of creatures they are. My hands are running out of blood but I am still alive. Breathing is difficult for me, but at least I can still breathe.
I do not need them. Worthless monsters. I hate all of you!!
Right now, I have known who the fuck they are. I know the truth now. I know what they are now. I know Happiness now...
I still have him...He cares for me more than anyone else. More than I do for myself. He has so much love in him and I have so much to give to him...
Although he is never near me, I can feel him all around me. I love this feeling. I will hold onto what I'm feeling forever. I had never feel so alive in my life. He saved me. He really did. I give my hand to him. He can take it now. He can start to own me all that I am...
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