Carvings.

A flotilla of lonely places fill my mind. Times like this I ponder if I'm doing the right thing. Deep down inside of me feels that I'm not good enough for you. I still don't get it...Why would you wanna wait for so long? I do appreciate whatever you're doing for me. But...Maybe I'm just not used to this. Perhaps I should start adapting to you.

Let me carve your name in my heart. Let me carve your name on me. I want to carve every minute I get to near you in my head. So I can relive every little moment that we've spent together. Not nearing you just makes my nights long and cruel. I tried to be strong and live as per normal. But the moreI pretend, the more deluded I get because I'm starting to see you everywhere...

I Can Do Better.

I wanna go to a place where no one knows my name. I wanna build my life with him there. I wanna live again with him...

Love will be more than our name. Perfection lies within he and I. He knows ways to make me breathe painlessly once again. It is so easy how he seems to make living fun. But I'm dead within myself...

I know you need darkness to see make the light shine brightest. But it is not simple to endure darkness all day long. How does he do it? Can I do it too? At the end of the world, I won't be coming home. But could I? And should I? I do not know what else to do besides running away...

I sound so dumb. Silly. Stupid. Lost. Confused. But hey there are far too many roads to mislead me. I tried to grab whatever I need, but it seems to kill me indirectly. I long to know how a heartbeat feels like...

Anything But Me.

I don't wanna see the sun anymore. I don't wanna see the sky anymore. I am tired of living. Every waking moment is torturing my lungs. I am suffocating on pretense. I can't take all of this fuck at one shot. My body is aching. My mind hurts like fuck...

Why oh why do I always find my face among the ashes? I wonder what the fuck has happened to me? I wasn't like this before. I hate my life and especially them...

I am not satisfied with where I am in life. Am I supposed to be happy? I remembered times I knew how to smile. But not anymore. Those times have gone in the wind and faded among the atmosphere. My sorrow is all that I have left. I'm bruised...

I wanna hurt both of you. But it hurts me to hurt them good. WHY?!! Is it conscience or fear? Fucking dilemma. Fuck God. Fuck Him for giving us emotions. Emotions rule over us all the mother fucking time. He led his fucking heart over rule his control. He used the fact he lost control over me as a reason. Hey cheesedick, that is a fucking excuse...

Can somebody help me? I am fighting hard internally from slitting my throat and and my wrists. I want to watch my life drain out of me as it has always been every fucking day. Why am I so twisted?

I could have sworn I was the happiest shit on Earth. But that was long gone...

I love my 2nd sister and her hub. These two are the best thing in my fucking pathetic life, besides my love of course. I love them three the most. I'd die for them...Sounds like I could die for anyone now. What have I become?...Then there are people like Cass, Roxanne, Cheryl, Shameer and more whom I know really care for me.

Things were not supposed to be this way!!! Why did we even have to walk on this path that we are walking? Is it ever too late to turn and run away? Is it ever too late to live again? I'm losing too much blood day after day. I'm going insane...

Somebody help me...Please :'(

Take Me Away.

He thinks beating the shit out of me makes me a better person. She thinks shooting me with insults makes me a better person. He thinks bruising me makes me a better person. She thinks making me bleed makes me a better person.

Well I hate both of them to the bottom of my heart. As days pass me by I hate them even more. Why must they treat me like an animal? I wanna runaway and forget bout this life I thought I once knew. I wanna go to a place where it is just me myself and I. Yet this always comes in a mystical form of fantasy. Why?

God let me down. He ignored me when I called out for him. He turned away. Why? I thought he loves all of his creations. But me? Was I ever his in the first place? Even Lucifer was his initially. Well then what bout me? Why must he do this to me? Why God? WHY!!!

Happiness is gone. Smiles are faked. Conscience is pretense. There is no longer truth in their words. Especially in my mother's words. That fucking two-faced whore. I hate her so fucking much. Why must she hurt me emotionally? If that isn't enough, she needs to annoy Dad till he would whack the snot out of me!!! I FUCKING HATE BOTH OF YOU!!!

I wanna drown myself in my own sorrow. Thanks to them there is no more tomorrow. I wanna bleed to death. I wanna jump down a cliff. I can't take all of this anymore...

Please don't let me fall asleep. Violent thoughts torture my dreams. I see you wilt uglily and soon enough you fucking disappear. I see you screaming in pain. I see your face scarred in dismay. I see you regretting all that you have done. When I hold your heart in my hand, that is when you know I am God. So kiss the ring, mother fucker. It is my time, my time to shine...

The Remembrance Ballad.

I placed my hand over my chest where I had always thought hearts were meant to be. Overwhelmed by paranoia in an extremely horrible way, I could not feel any heartbeat. I thought deeply as to what had happened without my knowing. So I pondered away...

Remember the times you promised you would change? Remember the times you promised to take care of me? Remember the times you promised to make me happy? Remember the times you promised to love me? Remember the times you promised to reach out for me always? Remember the times you promised me these promises? Well please don't let me down...

It was then I realized that I had given my heart to you. This realization is a perfect thing for you and I. You raped my heart with Life and virtues that I had never understood. I barely knew you but you moved me inside out. This is when I know I need you to near me till the end of time...

Reincarnation.

I was lost. I was confused. I was a nobody is this world of faked conscience. I was bounded by darkness. Petrified of the unknown. I feared everything around me. I thought I saw a hand. And a face. I touched it. But it faded away. I prayed for it to come back. And gladly it did...

Are you one of my perfected fantasies? Are you one of my dreams? Are you one of my wishes that has came true? Are you one of my thousand lives?

You touched my heart and altered every plans I had made in my short-spanned life. You breathed into me and brought me to life. You saw the best that was in me. You brought it out and wasn't afraid to boast to the world bout us. You poured blood in me. You pumped my heart with Love and Hatred and other little things that I needed to live...

Your Guardian Angel.

Although you heard me wishing thousand of times just how much I badly want you here with me right by my side, it does not diminish the fact that I truly miss you. As time passes me by, my longing for you just grows stronger. Too strong for me to stop missing you...

This is when I know I will be everywhere you go. You always tell me I'm so distant. But you're so close to me. You are in my heart all the time. I can't promise you the world because it would be a promise that I couldn't keep. You threw all the reasons to be depressed up in the air and now I'm whole again. You filled the holes in my heart. So now I begin to fear if my heart will ever break since it is whole again. But on the other hand, I know deep down inside it is very impossible. Thanks to you and only you.

Things will be different. I will look at life at a very different perspective. No more tears to shed. No more crying alone at night on the bed. We don't even need to try. Everything is destined for us to be as one. This the part when everyone should agree with me when I say Two does becomes one eventually...

Misery Loves Its Company.

They won't break me. Not this time. Not any further. Expect change I guess. Well it is about time. Feel it. Feel the wind of transition. Accept it. They better should before it gets wilder than ever. It's not my fault anymore. I've warned them. I've done my part. Best. But not them. They have never done anything. Well they are to be blamed. Not me anymore...

I want to hold you high and steal your pain. It is so amazing how I had led my life without you before. Now that you have touched my soul you actually could reveal to me things that had never been told. I'm dazzled by your stagnant beauty. You were there, and will continue to. And likewise I'd do the same for you. It is really ironic how I'm feeling things how I was told I shouldn't feel. I'm not gonna let you go easily. I don't know how to explain but I love the way my heart feels now. Feels life. Feels you...

I'm set free. It was you who let me go and now I've metamorphosized for the best. I don't mind not being able to recognize myself in front of the mirror. And for the first time in my life, it isn't something horrendous. It's glorifying for I am now a butterfly. I want you to capture me in a bottle and I'd fly in it for you till every last breath I receive...Forever if possible...