At Least I Know I Am A Sinner.

Leave me alone. Get the fuck out of my face, you creep!

I'm so sick of what you want me to do. I'm so tired of giving in to you. I'm so effed up of tying to please you. You're one hell of a mother fucker, do you know this? God damn. I hate you so fucking much.

I'm so thankful for being imperfectly perfect. And hey, at least I'm aware I'm a sinner. How bout you? You think you got the world revolving around you. You're such a freak. You think you're superior. You're so complacent, you fool. I had enough of taking in your bullshit.

Everything is NOT said and done. Stop turning your back to me, cus it's my turn to speak now, you bitch. I feel so sorry for you. I'm so fucking annoyed with you. Gee, when the fuck will you change? You're so horrible, just like the rest.

To think I needed time to distinguish you among the rest. God...Why must you do this to me? When will this end?! ARGH!!!

Farewell.

Nona nona. Be thankful I'm dedicating something for you here. This shall be my one and for all for you, Missy. Be glad that at least someone is doing something for you. You're like so pathetic.

And hey, everyone is a hypocrite. It is just a matter of how much of hypocrisy is being revealed before you can even identify it is hypocrisy. You're so naive, do you know that? I don't care what the fuck you had went through. I had enough with you. By the way, do you even know what friendship means?

Come to think of it, maybe I had the heart to be friends with you cus I pitied you. I did it out of sympathy. Look around you for Fuck's sake. All the people you acknowledged as friends fucking back stabbed you and left you in the lurch. But I knew I didn't do that to you. I had always stood beside you, but you seemed to be taking advantage of my trusted heart.

People like you don't deserved to be nice at. You so don't deserve my attention. Fuck. I wasted 4 years on you. I'm so stupid. Why did I bother? ):

Silly silly me, I must say. You're meant to be a loner, Nona. If you're gonna continue treating people who really care for you the way you treat me, you might as well dig a hole to hide your shame. Cus I find you disgusting. You're so worthless.

Forget it. I ain't gonna brood over it. You have a good life. And hell yeah, I mother-fucking know I'm the best...God damned you. Wait, you have already been damned. I regret being friends with you. It is fine. I know who you are now. And I hate you, friend ):

P.S: You're such a loser. Start living with it.

Jump.

I'm glad that we're two sides of one beating heart. Life is so good when we know nothing can tear us apart...

We have been through alot; with or without each other. It doesn't feel like it has been months we have been together. I know how I had lived my life straight back then before knowing you. If we were to turn back time, I would prolly paint a portrait of an angel with my eyes closed. It would be easy to do cus I love you.

I will sleep with a smile plastered on my face. I will sleep with beautiful dreams invading my resting head. I will sleep with perfect visions of us holding hands.

It is wrong to describe just how happy I am now. Words really cannot explain this feeling I am feeling deep inside of me. I am lost of words...

There For You.

I wish to be someone that you can always come to...

As I wipe the bloodied tears off my cheeks, I think of you. As I pick myself from the floor, I think of you. As I fight my fears, I think of you. As I sleep, I think you. No matter what happens to me, I think of you only...

And I swear...Come what may. I will be there for you just as strong as you can for me. I will be there for you when you're petriefied. I will be there for you when you're happy. I will be there for you when you're broken. I will be there for you when you're abandoned...

Never ever say you're abandoned. Cus I had found you. Never ever say you're lonely. Cus I have always been by your side. Never ever say you're scared. Cus I had fought all of your fears. Never ever say you'd lose me one day. Cus I had given my whole self to you.

Look at your hand. Tell me what do you see. Isn't that my beating heart?

I have so much more to give. Just give me time. Give us time. Everything will be better. Everybody can tell us this is wrong. But we both know what we are doing. So we will prove them. Prove to the world just how much we need each other.

And I love you. Till the end of time...

Friend Or Foe.

Friends. What does that mean?

Are they ones that I'm supposed to hold onto throught the good and the bad? Are they the ones that I'm supposed to turn to for help? Are they the ones to cheer me up when I'm feeling lousy? Are they the ones to lead me to the right direction? Are they the ones I'm supposed to put hopes in? Are they the ones I'm supposed to trust?

Or are they to leave me in the lurch? Or are they to abandon me in times of hardship? Or are they to just come and go anytime they please? Or are they to disappoint me with pretense and empty promises?

I grow old as days pass me by. Maturity accompanies me. Now I am wise enough to see what lies before my very eyes...

This isn't any jealousy statement. This is a confession of certain people I had assumed as friends. Now what does that really mean? Names will not be mentioned here. I am aware they visit my page without my knowledge. Hence, precautions shall be taken...

However, bottomline is that it is time for me to toughen up and move on. I wanna leave you guys behind and thanks for acting like you cared. Thanks for wasting your time on me over the years. Thanks for making me believe you are really my good friends; even soul sisters. Gosh...I feel so stupid and cheated. God-damn you people; with every pun intended...

Curses.

I thought she loved me. I thought she was the best thing in my life, besides him...

She is never there when I am scared. She is never there to give a helping hand. She is never there when I am lonely.

Breathe Today.

I loaded my gun. It felt heavy. Bullets were set and ready for fire. I mustered courage for one last time. I kicked the door opened. There they were...Sleeping...Dreaming...Motionless...Full of life in every breath they took...

I could not stand the sight of them being alive anymore. I pointed my gun to their heads. I pulled my trigger. I shot them one by one. I watched their lives drain out, accompanied by their blood. I had a grin plastered on my face. Satisfaction consumed me. I smiled...

Can anybody stop me before I kill again, maybe tonight?

God..What am I now? I don't recognize myself anymore. I dream more than often, only that they get wilder and wilder. I am startled by clarity. It all seemed so real. I am scared of myself. I am no longer aware of reality. I do not know the meaning of violence. Well, I didn't know initially. But now, it appears like I am God and I have lives in my hands today...

They may have bruised me. They may have broke me. They may have drained me. They may have whacked me. They may have tortured me. They may have raped me. But they still failed to kill me...

My bones are bent but not broken. They try smashing my heart with hurtful words, but it won't break. My eyes are dried but not gone; I am still alert in knowing what kind of creatures they are. My hands are running out of blood but I am still alive. Breathing is difficult for me, but at least I can still breathe.

I do not need them. Worthless monsters. I hate all of you!!

Right now, I have known who the fuck they are. I know the truth now. I know what they are now. I know Happiness now...

I still have him...He cares for me more than anyone else. More than I do for myself. He has so much love in him and I have so much to give to him...

Although he is never near me, I can feel him all around me. I love this feeling. I will hold onto what I'm feeling forever. I had never feel so alive in my life. He saved me. He really did. I give my hand to him. He can take it now. He can start to own me all that I am...

I Am Done Healing.

Stop lying to me bout caring for me. Stop lying bout loving me. Stop lying bout being there for me. Stop lying bout being forward-looking for me. Stop lying bout living...

Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken. Can't you see? Wait, what do you see? In your eyes, I'm nothing. You think I can't make it on my own. You think I can't live without you. Har-har...

Can a heart still break although it has stopped beating?

I dread breathing. I dread living. Why must it be me? I tried to be positive, but it has never been easy on me. My life is miserable. The blame is always on me. Isn't it unfair? Why must they be so cruel?

I was never like this before. What made me evolved till I'm stating to devoid humanity in me?

Wild thoughts are getting more and more vivid till I'd take a step back to figure out if they are even real. I am scaring myself. I don't know who to trust. Will I betray me?

Losing My Religion.

I'm missing him more and more as days pass me by. My addiction is getting deeper and I just came to know that my condition has worsen...

My head can't stop thinking bout him. My eyes can't stop visioning him everywhere I go. My nose can't stop smelling his sweet sweet fragrance surrounding. My mouth can't stop talking bout him and the taste of his lingers in mine now. My ears can't stop hearing his voice all the time...

Am I getting illusional as I'm seeing the love of my life in every corner in my room?

I have completely lost myself but I don't mind. I have to admit that you have conquered me wholly and I love you doing that to me. I love you so much. I thought I'd never love someone as deeply as I do for you now. It is really inevitable to deny you are the only one for me...

Try.

Reality checks in and I feel like someone just slapped my face without me noticing it. Fine. I sound extra dramatic here. But I can't help it and I'm consumed by paranoia ):

So he has to go. For a long time. Not very long, but long enough for me to go insane and brood bout it for days till I get to see him again. This won't be happening soon. But it still will be taking place. I guess I gotta prepare myself mentally that he has to go for a good reason. Well for a mother fucking pathetic one actually.

Fuck patriotism. It is taking him away from me. I know that even if he were here, it is not as if we see each other alot as well. Fuck parenthood and bla-bla ): But the though of him being so faraway from me is driving me up against the wall. What if this and what if that are flooding my mind. It won't be long till I'd go berserk...

It is a matter of trust. I do trust him. Fuck lots of faith in him have been invested. I know I won't be let down but the feeling of fear...Fear. Fear is always in the mind. And the mind is the most powerful tool in the universe. This sucks. To get over my fear is to face it. And with cowardice engulfing me, I think I'm gonna have a hard time to overcome it. I guess I just have to try...