Penholder.

Life finally has a whole new meaning to it. Happiness found it way and caught me. Not by surprise, thankfully. It has been such a long while since it hid...

I dare to stand up and face the world. I am done healing. I can fly. I can run. I have broken free of me. I am alive. Still alive. But I cannot take glory for this. I would only show what he did, but I would never take the credit...

Now that I got my soul back into my body, I will take good care of it. Enough of living in the shadows. It is time to part the thick nylon curtains now. Let the sun in. The brightness is not as piercing afterall....

Faces.

So you think you are doing something worthwhile in your life?

I got no fucking idea who gave you the idea that you are holy and you are close to God. Deep down inside, I know He himself cannot wait to watch you rot in Hell. That is the only place you deserve to be.

You are so self-centered. You think everything that you do is right. You never apologize for your stupid mistakes. Your ego is way on top of your conscience. You keep adding fuel to the fire. You make nothing seems like an apocalypse. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I am so disgusted to be near you. You twisted wicked witch. You are so mother fucking ugly even without the facade and role you try to play. Tsk-tsk. I am way ahead of you, bitch.

Gawd. I try my hardest to love you. But trying to even like you is just impossible. And you made it like this. Stupid stupid stupid. What was God thinking when He created you? Perhaps a toy for the Devil to pounce on....

Circle of Life.

I stared at the girl in the mirror. She looked so ugly. I barely recognized her. Who was she?

I looked into her eyes. They were red. Blood shot red. They seemed as though they have been crying for centuries. I could see her cheekbones and literally no flesh could be tugged on her her petite face. She was so disgusting. I irked at the sight. I almost puked. Her mouth was torn. Cuts were all over her face. Perhaps due to abuse or self-mutilation. I was not sure myself....

I thought about her. I could not get her out of my mind. She lived in my dreams. She lived in my pain. My sorrow. My anger. My what nots...

I am trying so very hard to be strong. Yet, it just appears that being miserable seems hell lot easier than to be glad bout Life. I have to fight my own demons. The demons in my dreams come to Life constantly. When will they perish?

Absence either makes the heart grow fonder. That is what I hear. Yet, I think otherwise. It can make the tiny confused heart wither. Why not? It is just so hard to move on in Life without a whole heart. I pick the fragments of my shattered Happyness and hold onto it for the whole of eternity. Yet, for just one second I felt whole...

I miss the way I smile genuinely. I miss the way I laugh heartily. I miss the way I skip merily. I miss the way I jump joyfully. I miss me...

Tattooed.

I think you should know that you will always be in my heart. Oh, how I wish you can see this, my dear...

I will not miss you for you are not even gone for a minute. All I gotta do is close my eyes. And I see you. I see you being happy with me. I see you being healthy right before me. I see you, baby. I can. As painful as this sounds, I have comfort in knowing that you are in a better place by now. Without me. Without me taking care of you. Without me feeding you. Without me protecting you. Without me bothering about you. Without me playing with you. Without me looking out for you...

I just wanna take back those misspent days. And I wish I can take back those painful words I have said. I wanna hold you again. I thought I can end your pain. All I need is I one last minute, to look at you in the eye and say just how much I love you and that having you is the best thing that has ever occurred to me...

I am sorry for all the pain I caused. I am sorry the apology cannot be better, I am sorry that I did not do my part in healing you. I am sorry...

Just know that I will always love you. And no matter where you are, you will always be a part of me. My heart belongs to you, my little darling. Please take care of yourself, now that I can no longer be there with you...

P.S: IF THERE WAS A GOD, WHY HAS HE LET YOU DIE?

Reflections.

I looked down beloew despite the warnings not to. I saw. The love I had for him fell from the Heavens and crashed to the ground. I saw the fragments of my broken tiny heart. Each of those bloody pieces had memories stuck in them. I saw you smiling. I saw you laughing. I saw you being happy. I saw you caring. I saw you helping. I saw you loving. I saw you...

Soon enough, it began to rain. The sharp droplets tried to wash the jagged bloodied pieces of my heart. Instead, it cracked them even further. And again, I saw....

I saw you crying. I saw you cursing. I saw you lying. I saw you bleeding. I saw you disappointed. I saw you fading....

I miss you. I miss the way things used to be. It is so different now. Colors fade to grey. All becoming to tunnel vision. Obesssion gets in the way in loving someone. I regret. I repent. I am sorry for the things I have done. I want you back the way you used to be. Life abandons me the way Happiness had done long ago...

I have no joy. I feel nothing. Everything seems to be in a distant, especially you. I had went to the end of the line trying to make you happy. But, I guess I fail. Just like the way I fail to breathe...

So many lies swirled around me. I can breathe today. I hope, at least...

I do not know what to do anymore. I cannot trust you. I cannot believe in anyone else. I am my own nemesis against my own soul. I hate what I have done. I just wish the clock can turn around so that I can make my amendments....

I am sorry to have let you down. But, it is not like that now...It is time I will never let you go....