Where Have You Gone?

Wind sends chill down my spine. I look out into the night sky. It is moonless and starless. Just still. And dead. Dead. Everything seems so dead. Yet, I wonder what makes you think I am doing fine...

How do I breathe when there is no air? How do I fly without my wings? How do I see when there is only darkness lingering near me? How do I move without limbs? How do I smile when Happiness has been eradicated from me? How do I stay cool when the sun keeps burning me? How do I near you when you keep pushing me away? How do I love you when you hate me? How do I?

I wipe my own tears. The salty water has turned bloodied. Maybe I should not have cried so much. I hug my own self to console me. Your warmth has faded away. I bleed myself to sleep. Your comfort has turned into thorns. I look into the mirror to tell myself that I am beautiful. But, what I see is a girl that I can barely recognize. She looks so withered. Sunken. Red-eyed. Bloodied. Skeletal. Frail. Full of sorrow. Pale as death. Hollow. Alone. Asphyxiated. Pain always seems to get the best of her...

The colors of my life that light up my dark world. The sun that always shines for me. The clouds that always shade me. The rain that dances me with me. The air that plays with my hair. The tree that protects me. The ground that puts my feet together. The birds that I fly with. The roses that blossom for me. The happiness that I once had. The love that I once treasured. The comfort I once knew. The company that I once enjoyed. The protection that I once owned. The defense I once got. The mind I used to have. The hand I used to hold. The lips I used to kiss. The ear I used to whisper to. Where have you gone? );

P.S: I LOST FAITH IN YOU.

I Hate This Part.

Each time I think things cannot be any worse, reality surprises me...

I have been living in denial thinking that things will be alright between us. Maybe I did so to comfort myself who has been going through countless and endless agony from all the places that I have been. I tell myself that you are always with me when in fact I have been alone all along. I tell myself that you love me when in fact I know you hate me. I tell myself that you got my back when in fact you are just waiting to watch me fall face down in the dirt. I tell myself you care a lot bout me when in fact you keep hurting me with tremendous dosage of emotional abuse. I tell myself that you are just angry at me when in fact you get mean because you are tired of me. I tell myself to be nicer to you when in fact I am adding more pain for me...

I guess I am the stupidest girl on earth, thinking that you could drown my pain away. I thought I could depend on you. I thought you could give me happiness. I thought you could be nice to me. I thought you could comfort me. I thought you could be mine. I thought we could last. I thought you could be the one for me. I thought you could end my pain. I thought I was special. I thought we were all supposed to be. I thought I could grow old with you. I thought I could walk down the aisle with you. I thought wrong...

I was everything to you. I was the world for you. I was the girl made for you. I was the one destined to be yours. I was the one who made you elated. I was the one who helped you. I was the one who was standing in the rain when I gave you my umbrella. I was the one who was burnt my the sun when I let you have shade under the tree. I was the one who was broken when I tried to protect you from any harm. I was the one bleeding when I tried defending you. I was the one who stood by your side. I was the one who gave my heart and soul to you. I was the one who patched the holes in your heart. I was the one who ended your pain. I was the one who gave you strength. I was the one who gave you the world. I was...

However, just know that I will never forget you, my best friend. I will not erase those good times that we shared. I will not shed the beauty of being able to stare into your eyes. I will not let go of the smiles you flashed me. I will not remove the joy I used to feel when we were together. You are still the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are the one that showed me a whole new world that I had never discovered. Thank you for all that you have done. You are truly the greatest joy I had ever known. It is amazing how much happiness I could experience from you. I will treasure what we have went through be it good or bad. You are really one of God's best creations, my dear. I know I will miss you greatly );

P.S: I WAS YOUR HEART & YOU ARE MY BLOOD.

Family Tradition.

I am still amazed by the fact I am still alive. I do not know how I could have gotten this far...

They co-erce me to do alot of things that I do not fancy. They force me to meet up with their expectations. Ironically, the more I conform, the worst they get. They keep taking but I had never once seen that they try to give back. They live to bring me down for some evil reasons. And I do not know why...

I scream out loud but nobody wants to near. I bleed but nobody seems to care. I cry but nobody wants to notice. I die but nobody seems to realize...

I cannot carry on living like this. The pain is over whelming. The strength is withering. I need to get my feet back on the ground. So I numb myself. It beats crying day and night. It beats bleeding forever. It beats crying myself to sleep...

P.S: WHEN WILL IT ALL END?

Alive.

Air is poison. Deoxygenated blood creeps through my veins. Lungs have scattered. Heart is broken. Blood is drained. But how am I still alive?

Every day is a war. I got no other choice but to put up a fight. Bruises are all over my body. Yet, I stay strong. The most they can do is think they can give me hell. Little did they know that I am way ahead of their game. If they knew, I would be watching their faces scarred in dismay...

Just because I smile, it does not mean I am fine. Just because I laugh, it does not mean I am not in pure agony. Just because I get on with my day, it does not mean I am alright. Just because I do not have scars on my skin, it does not mean I am not bleeding deep inside. Just because I tell the truth, it does not mean I am not lying...

P.S: YOU CAN NEVER FIGURE ME OUT, LOSERS!

If I Let You Go.

The sun turns black. The moon loses its radiance. The stars fade away. The clouds move to another place. There are cracks in the wall. There are holes in my heart. There will be poison in my veins. Blood will come out from these eyes. My days will become nights. My sunshine will be my worst enemy. My roses wither. My trees die. Just like me...

I cannot live without you, baby. You will always be a part of me. And if you were ever to walk away, please tell me you will be back in my life cus when you leave, you take the best part of me. I love you, my dear. I cannot spend a second without you. I cannot breathe if you ain't here with me. I need you by my side to get me through the day...

Nothing much needs to be said for you are my one and only...

P.S: I LOVE YOU, BABY.

Run.

My bones have been broken. My lungs are dried. My mind is weaving. All that I got left is my ever-flowing blood in my poisoned veins and a wholesome heart...

I will always be with you for the rest of my life. I love you, my dear. Nobody can stop me from loving you. You are everything for me. Through the good and the bad, we have each other till the end time...

People are always in disbelief to the things that they refuse to believe. They get afraid to the things that they cannot explain. But, we can and we will put up a fight, hon. I will stand up tall and proud with all these nasty scars on my charred skin. I will show the world just what our Love means to me. To us. To our future...

P.S: I WILL BE YOURS FOREVER...