Far Behind.

Am I emotionally drained?

Maybe it is my fault. I love you too much. I nurture you far too long. I care for you too deeply. I bother about you more than myself. I treasure you more than Life. I hold onto you far too tightly and now I end up hurting myself. You are right. As always. I need to stop blaming you. I really should. I am feeling this way cause of my own actions. I deserve all the blood shed. I deserve all the pain felt. I deserve all the tears cried. I deserve all the time alone. I deserve all the moments in the ashes...

I guess I am born to be this way. I am not supposed to know what Happiness is all about. I am not meant to understand what true Love is. I am not to near the Garden of Eden. I am not to do a lot of things. And perhaps loving somebody was one of them...

Higinia.

Things are just not the same anymore...

I am doing my best to patch the holes that I see. Let me do that. I am doing my best to pick up the pieces that I left behind. Help me do that. I am doing my best to make it through the day. Let me do that. I am doing my best to stop bleeding. Help me do that. I am doing my best to be happy. Let me do that. I am doing my best to help you. Help me do that. I am doing my best to breathe. Let me do that. I am doing my best to care for you. Help me do that. I am doing my best to hold onto you. Let me do that. I am doing my best to love you. Help me do that...

Why must you, of all people, hurt me too?

Yes. You do carry the world for me. But hey, the weight is on my shoulders. You have my heart in your hands. But hey, the breath is out of me. You took my hand. But hey, the sorrow is deepening within me. Do you know that when you hurt me I die? This is because you are the only one that I got and you just have to knife me from behind...

I should have known better. After all, you are still just another human being...

P.S: I WILL NOT BE AS NICE AS I WAS TO YOU CAUSE YOU DO NOT FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Dig.

I guess the only way to repay you is by loving you forever. Yet, forever does not seem long enough...

Once again, job well done, my dear. I would give you a solo standing ovation. You never fail to carve a smile upon my smile. You never fail to hear my laughter. You never fail to see me jumping for joy. You are so amazing. You truly are. You are so full of surprises. And I love this about you, baby. You could actually treat me much better. That is so uncalled for. But hey, I love it. Please do not stop. You are so perfect for me. I would not change a thing on you. You are everything that I ever needed. I love you, sweetheart. You are so special to me. It is a sin to even dare to associate mere words to describe great you, my dear...

Isn't it lovely? You have always been there for me. You watched me metamorphosis from a little girl to a young lady. You made me who I am today. You stood by me, in case I needed your help. You have always been there! Gosh. How could I have been so blind. Thankfully, I grabbed your hand much earlier before it got too late. Phew!

I just wanna say I love you. Even if it takes a whole lifetime, rest assured, I will...

Sooner Or Later.

Thank you for never failing to be my one true friend, sweetheart...

As days pass me by, my love gets stronger. As nights watch me sleep, my mising of you gets shorter. As sunshine plays with my skin, my thoughts of you get vivid. As rain falls over me, my mistakes of hurting you get washed away. As wind carresses my body, my wanting of you gets deeper...

I love you. Before. Now. And till then...

The Crimson.

People like you should be crucified. Then maybe, just maybe, you have an idea of what the fuck you are talking about...

Who are you to tell me what Happiness is like when you are the one drowning me in Misery? Who are you to tell me what Life is supposed to be like when you are the one killing me? Who are you to tell me what breathing is meant to be when you are the one suffocating me? Who are you to tell me what Love is when you are the one who forced me to see that I am full of Hate? Who are you to tell me what Freedom is all about when you are the one who confined me? Who are you to tell me about Respect when you belittle me continuously?

If you must know for being ignorant as always, Benjamin is the one I will love. The one I will care. The one I will cherish. The one I will bother. The one I will respect. The one I will be honest with. The one I will be loyal to. The one I will stick to till the end of time...

What is the matter with you? Are you so fucking retarded that you cannot a single thing that is going on? And you dare say that I am stupid. How ironic. Tsk-tsk. By the way, you gotta stop fucking laying hands on me, you dirty little soul frigger. You are old. All of you. And you are simply courting Death with me...

Yes. I may be little but I have a heart that is bigger than yours. So does the man I truly love. If you are so fucking blind to see that he is the true one for me, then I guess that is just too bad. You got fucking idea just what you are missing out. I do not know what the fuck you want from me. You are wasting time and effort trying to stuff your beliefs down my throat, bitches...

And yes. I am still under your fucking ruthless control. But, just you wait and mark these words of Hatred. I will never be present at your funeral. Even if I am, I will be pissing at your cold white face. Each and every one of you. I will only give my Pain back to your fucking lifeless face as you lie in that fucking big coffin for you. I will make sure you go to Hell even if that means it will be afterlife...

I am tired of being depressed for I have the man of my life with me this time round. That is why I am not gonna break down. That is why I am not gonna crack. That is why I will make sure I stay happy regardless of the shit I will be going through...

And if you got a problem with that, TAKE YOUR PAIN & SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE!

Anything.

I stopped walking for a little while. I placed my hand at my chest. I was engulfed by shock and confusion. I did not find my heartbeat. I panicked. What was going on? Have I gone too near to the white light too soon? I closed my eyes. I saw you. I smiled. I remembered. I had given you my heart way before I met you, my dear...

I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I love you more than the way those marine life loves the ocean. I love you more than the way the trees love the sun. I love you more than how a mother would love a child. I love you more than anyone else...

Need.

Ain't it funny how Life seems to fuck our plans every now and then?

I feel so wasted right now. I thought it could have been better in time. But, I am wrong. I need to know how to make things better now. I needed more help all along. I am so lost. I am getting so scared. I am all out of brilliant ideas to make our lives better, sweetheart...

Please help me out here. I need to know what there is to be done. So much uncertainties are raping my mind now. I feel so faint to even think about it. I am so weak now. Planning this life journey of ours is so draining. I am falling again, baby ):

Gilded Cunt.

Sometimes, I find myself in deep confusion. Who wouldn't be? Imagine being caught in an endless swirl of lies all day and night. Imagine being burnt alive. Imagine being bled out dry. Imagine being drained out with not a single might. Go ahead, imagine...

I have done whatever that I have to do to make it better. I have gave in. I have changed myself. I have tolerated your fucking nonsense for all these past years. I have put up with your senseless arguments. I have beared with your childish tauntings. I have done too much...

You are way out of the line, you fucking bitch. Like I have said before, if you have a bloody problem, tell it to my bloody face. Why must you be a mouse? Come on, give it to me. I have been waiting all my life to feel this way...

I am so over your crap. I am so done with you. I hate you to the core. You are such a soul-frigger.

Like You.

For the man who I greatly admire...

I love you. I love every single thing about you. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you touch me. I love the way you kiss me. I love the way you hold me tight. I love the way you feel my body. I love the way you miss me. I love the way you care about me. I love the way you bother bout me. I love the way you do things for me. I love the way you make me happy. I love the way you love me...

I had promised myself to tattoo a smile on your face, to sow a seed of happiness in your heart, to kill your enemies and to make you a better person. And I did. I did everything I was meant to do for you, my dear. I did all of it with an intention...

I told myself that if we were ever to go our separate ways, you could never forget me. This girl who had done everything for you. This girl who went the extra mile for you. This girl who had stole the sun and stars of heaven for you. This girl who made you who you are today. This girl who will always love you. This girl who will keep you in her heart no matter where she goes...

I am glad that I am yours, baby. Thank you for letting me love you. I will never let you down. All I need is time. I will give you the life you deserve. I love you, darling...

All The Way Again.

I ponder. It always baffles me how people try to talk sense despite being overtly hypocrites themselves. People like these should be crucified, then maybe they have an idea what they are talking about...

They try to stuff their beliefs down my throat. They try to make me see their point of views about an issue. They try to make me understand that whatever I do is never right. They try to make me fall by lying to me. They try to tell me bout Life by stereotyping it. They try too much...

I am sorry but I do not do this. I do not buy any of them. I will never. And there is nothing they can do about it...