Better In Time.

Lies swirled around me. Almost in obvious attempt to asphyxiate me. Purposely. My view blurred. Thousand and one thoughts contradicted each other in my cloudy head. I tried to breathe. But, there was no air. My lungs dried. My heart stopped beating. I grew still...

I am so depressed now. Why do you keep pushing your finger in my opened wounds? Isn't it clear enough to you that my wounds are too sore to heal now? My scars can never fade even with the matter of time...

I cannot believe the man I truly love have to hurt me to this extent. I thought you can be the one for me. I thought you can be there for me. I thought you can take good care of me. I thought you can guide me. And I thought you can love me )':

I am completely engulfed by your attitude. Your immense wrath. Your intense tension. You are everything that I fear. You are such a nightmare!

I do not want to be with you anymore. I feel more hurt when I am with you then when I am not. I feel worst of my being whenever you are around me.

Being headstrong has it falls. I tried my best to stick with you. I tried my best to forgive you. But, you repeat your wrongdoings in just overnight, babe. This cannot carry on. I am just a small girl trying to choose my path but you just have to mess me up. All the mother fucking time. I feel so stupid right now.

I bully myself more than you do to me. I kill myself whenever you hurt me. I feel stupid when you scold me. I feel so lousy. Gawd. Why must things go so awry?!!!

I am oh so confused right now. I do not know what to do. I am ever ready to pack my bag and walk out through that door where I know my days have the sunshine and my nights have the stars. Love is never suppose to hurt. I am not meant to bleed for you. I am not to fall at all. However, there is just something holding me back from doing so....

Is it cus I love you way too much than you ever do for me? )':
Is there anybody out there who can save me?

Different.

It is obvious now that everyone, no matter how dear my heart held them close, they still hurt me...

It is absolutely unbelievable that you hurt me so much. Over and over again. I do not understand what I had done to deserve this hell that you are putting me through. I cannot trust you anymore. I had just lost faith in myself...

I thought you said you love me so much. Then if so, can you stop breaking my heart by being so cold and awfully mean to me? I thought you said you care alot for me. Then if so, can you please end the misery that you are putting me through? I thought you said you will always be there for me. Then if so, can you start being the man that I love initally?

You are extremely childish. I am baffeled by the kid in you. You always allow your heart to rule your head. Please end this shit...

You just have to do this to me...

Perfect.

You have been so wonderful recently. And I truly hope you can keep it up, my beloved one. You are the most precious thing I ever owned. I will treasure you till the end of time...

I love you so much. I cannot explain it any longer. The love I have for you is immense. It is too deep; beyond description. I am so amazed by your transition. It is radical, baby. Wow. I am like whoa...

You finally listened to me. You finally stopped being harsh. You finally stopped hurting me. You finally stopped doing things I hate. You are now officially flawless !

Killer.

I could not recognize those cold words coming out of your mouth. Each time you try to convince me that it will all be okay once I give it in to you, I know that you are not the man I have loved...

I do not know why you are treating me like dirt. I am truly baffled that this is you. I just realize for real that you do not respect nor care for me the way you said you would. Why must you back down? Why can't you be a man and look at me in the eye and say that you don't like what we have done?

I thought I have done enough for you. But, apparently enough is never enough for you, my dear. I am so afraid of you now. I am wondering if this is all a big mistake ):

I never knew loving you can have so much complications. I never want to hate you. Please stop making me hate you. I really do not want to. But, you just keep asking. I feel so hurt doing this. I am still pondering what it is that is holding me back from leaving you...

Let me love you. Please. Do not give in to your lustful desires. Be strong like you said you would...

Fear Itself.

I love you...

Those 3 words have been coming out of my mouth. But hey, I do not mind a single bit. Cus, I truly love you, babe. You are just the best thing in my life. You are my everything. And dang, I can tell that you really mean it when you say that I am your all as well...

You are just so perfect. I am so fucking lucky to have you as my own, hon. You just sooo sweet. And heck, I think I am diabetic from your sweet kisses. Haha, I just sound so cliched. Fuck...

Anyways, I just wanna post it here that I truly, madly, deeply love you...

Do You Believe In God?

Find me a God that is worth praying to...

Talking bout how shitty my life is sounds rather selfish. Well, fine then. I see people suffering in this world. I see kids dying out of starvation. These fragile ones are sold all over the world as sex slaves. Even the Earth is suffocating on our attempt of being successful creatures alive in it. The ocean critters die. Beaches are nevertheless clean. And I think I can just go on non-stop bout how bad life is on Earth right now...

Where is God when He is supposed to be looking out for us? Where is The Only One when we are suffering here on earth? Where is God when I needed him most?

Then again, it is always oh so easy for me and anyone else to blame Him for everything that had went wrong in our lives. People. Tsk-tsk. Of all animals, Man are the most cruel. They even inflict pain on themselves and actually relishing on it...

I did all that I could to be a good child. But, this is never good enough for that stupid whore. She forces me to do things her way. She never bother to spare a caring thought for my feelings. She breathes to bring me down. She lives to discriminate me. Who the fuck does she think she is? She is just another human being. Like me...

She makes me hate her so fucking much. I never wanted things to be this way. But, she chose to act like this. What am I to do? Seems like I can never live up to any of her mother fucking dumb expectations, if there even existed one in the darn place...

I just wanna kill her. Again. And again. Why must she be my kin?

I have so much anger and hatred within me. Why? I hate this feeling. I feel so demented. I sound so diabolical. Am I sick inside? I hope not. Well, I do not know. I want to end this fucked phase of being a teenager. However, she puts the blame on me all the fucking time. She does alot of awful things, and she blames me for everything...

She is just insane. And I truly hate her. She abuses her authority of being a mother. She went too far. This is the last straw. And hey, just so you know, I never liked you too!!! I will never respect you nor care bout you. You can just mother fucking rot in my elite face and I can still hum my favorite song...

Death of a Star.

I closed my eyes for a while. I tried to relax. Unfortunately, premonition hit me. Hard. I wanted to open my eyes immediately. But, it held me back. I tried hard to fight my worst fears. Life seemed to be taking its toll on me...

I lost you. You slipped through my fingers and you were gone with a blink of an eye. It all took place too quick. i was not sure of the cause of it all. But, it did happen. I felt the burn. I felt the tear. I felt the sorrow. I felt the agony. Everything came tumbling down on me. Our world crashed fast. What was happening?

I missed you already, baby. Knife cut my heart opened. As if you were holding it. It was if you do not want to remember my name anymore. I got scared. I felt lost. I was choking on tears that were welling up in my eyes. I was losing control. I grabbed the knife. I plunged into my lungs. I removed the knife. God. I was bleeding profusely. I was on the verge of destruction. I held the knife tightly. I began hurting me. I cut my hands. Soon enough, I found myself sawing my hand off. I lost control...

All of a sudden, you came near. For real. You placed a caring hand on my back. I woke up in a split second. I was crying. My tears dripped to my mouth. I thought the salt tasted as dry as my blood. I threw myself in your arms. You were not gone afterall...

P.S. I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS. PLEASE DO NOT EVER GO AWAY. EVEN FOR A SECOND...

Through Struggle.

You never fail to amaze me more and more as time passes us by. We grow old faster than imagined. You converted me into a young woman. I admire your gift. You are so talented in making me love you deeper and deeper as we fade into reality. Even with all the troubles and lies that swirl endlessly around us, we are still holding onto one another. You stand and shine in utter brilliance. You look so charming and majestic as you look down upon me, wanting to kiss my head. You are just so beautiful; so impeccable, even with all of your minor flaws...

Did I just describe a fictitious character out of a make-believe fairy tale?

I love you. I do not care how hard it may be just to be with you. The pain of waiting is all worth it. You are worth my entire life of waiting, my dear. You are as precious as diamonds and pearls. I treasure you alot. I care bout you more than I do for myself...

You are such a sweetheart. You are so good to me. You are the man of my dreams. You are my everything. Promise me one thing: Love me for as long as you live.

Through The Monsoon.

It is alright if we were to argue over the silliest things. I fancy that much more than having us bickering bout you cheating on me and fuckish things like that, baby...

I love you so much. I care alot bout you. I had never been like this. You complete me. I am whole again. And it is all because of you, my dear. So what if we fight? I still love you the same way I first lay my eyes on you years ago, baby. You are just the best for me. Just stay the same, alright? I will never ask for more from you, sweetheart...

Though you are not my first, you shall be my last. I will never leave you and break us up. That will be the stupidest thing ever to do. Thank you for being the best, baby boi. You are always so sweet and kind to me. Dang. Why are you so perfect?

Kisses.

More Than Words.

I am truly baffled by the fact that I love you so much. I never thought that you are going to be the only one for me at the end of the line. All these while I have been searching in utter darkness when I have you standing right before me over the years. Thankfully, I acted fast to grab hold of you before you are too far gone. And now, I got you. Wrapped around my finger...

Remember the promises I made about loving you forver. Remember the words carved on my lips when I said I will be there for you always. Remember the times I vowed to be your only one. Remember the moments I held your face in my hands, looked at you deeply in your eyes, stared right through the angel within your soul and confessed," I love you"...

Those are not mere words, my Love.

I will wait for you no matter how long it takes, just to hold you in my arms. I will fight against Time for you no matter how much pain it will cost me, just to kiss your tender lips again. I love you with all my heart. Nothing can tear us apart. Nobody can bring us down...

I have dreams. In my dreams, I see places for only you and I. We live in a very secluded yet, blissful place. No one knows who we are. No one recognizes us. No one is there but just us. We dance in the rain. We make love in the open fields. We kiss under the merry sun. Life is so beautiful, especially you, my dear...

Gosh. I can never get enough of you. I find myself coming back for more of you. You are so addictive. I need you by my side. You are my saviour. My Guardian. My everything...

Shadows Are Security.

I cannot love them anymore. I cannot respect them anymore. I cannot be kind to them anymore. I cannot be understanding to them anymore. I cannot care about them anymore. I cannot help them anymore. I cannot trust them anymore. I cannot look at them the same anymore. I cannot think about them anymore. I cannot talk to them anymore. I cannot be around them anymore...

They sucked the air out of me. They drained my blood. They vaccummed my soul. They ate me. They skinned my heart. They sliced my eyes. They cut me open...

I never had this much hatred in me. I never felt so depressed. I never felt this betrayed. I never felt this hurt. I never felt this much pain. I never felt this much sorrow. But, I do now. Why can't they be normal, like every other family I know?

There is so much strain and tension here at home. I hate seeing them. I hate hearing their voices. I hate listening to them. I hate being pushed around, like some holla back girl. Fucking hell. They are worthless to me. They must die...

Vagued Memories.

It is clear to me that I need to stand on my own 2 feet and fight for my right to survive...

You are truly good-for-nothing. Imbecile. You plague me day and night with your stupidity. You darken my mood always. You are so cruel. Your words are always so cold. You refuse to see the world through my eyes. You live by your assumptions. You force people around you to believe the shit that you believe. Fool.

You stuff religion down my throat. You choke me with lies. You suffocated me with false hopes. You drown me in your world. But, those days are long gone, bucko. I will never come for your funeral. I have sowed discord with you long ago. I mother fucking hate you. Things are never supposed to be like this. But, your efforts of perfecting me spoilt. You had created your worst nightmare, God's damned creation; Me...

I have tried my best to be nice. I played my part to respect you. But, dream on by now for me to do so. I just hate you so much. I loathe you. I detest you. ALOT. Motherfuckers. Why must all of you be this way to me? Who the fuck do you think you are?

The Darkest Nights.

My world was oppressed. It used to be cold. Icy cold. My life was meaningless. Breathing became so difficult. It hurt my lungs alot. It felt like I was drowning in thin air. How ironic. The medium that was supposed to help me fly high seemed to be anchoring me to the pitful of snakes...

I was stuck within myself. It took me long to break free. I tried my best to see the good things in Life. Yet, I spent my youth searching for Truth and Existence of my Joy. Efforts were rather throwned in the drain. They looked better down that stream of garbage. Faith absconded. Hope died. Dreams crashed. I was on the verge of Destruction. Inflicting pain to myself was the only way out. But, I could never understand why I did not try much harder to die...

But, after I have you, I realized that it is all because of you. You saved me...

In return, I gave you all of me. I gave you everything that I got. I gave you my world. Maybe this can explain why I live for you.

Tree of Love.

Dear my love,

You worry too much that I will be unhappy being in love with you. You must know that it is clearly impossible to actually happen. You worry too much that I should deserve someone better. You must know that there is no one I will rather choose to be with except you. You worry too much that I find you useless. You must know that you have been extremely beneficial for as long as I can remember. You worry too much that I feel as if your love for me as faded away. You must know that I know you truly love me too...

I feel so free. I can almost kiss the stars at night. I play with the lonely pale Moon. I shine with the sun. See me as a tree, my dear. When the sun burns me, at most my leaves wither and drop dead. However, I still stand high and strong. When winter comes attacking, I will shiver. Eventually freeze. But, I am still sturdy. And when the wind of deceit and confusion brushes my leaves by, I will just sway. Some of my leaves may drop. But, I still stand my ground. My leaves are not my love for you. But, they are the tears when I am sad. That is all. Do not worry, alright?

No matter happens to us, our love will always be in my heart. No one can tear us apart. I will never ever let go of you. You are too precious for me to lose. I still believe that God is trying to show off to everyone that you are his best creation, my darling. I love you so much...

I am blessed by the gift to love you. I am the one for you and you are my only one. And always will be. To be able to hold you in my arms and steal all of your pain away, is the best that I can do for you. I am sorry for not being there for you all the time. Please forgive me again...